Parents’ pressure to succeed: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 7.0

Many parents are increasingly demanding high levels of achievement from their children. While there are various motives why they are doing so, I am of the opinion that is an unfavorable trend.

The reasons why increasingly more parents taking up excessive expectations on their children to perform well vary. Firstly, the social comparison is the main factor, since people when sow the other children enter the university, get the high salaried job, win the competition they feel like their own child falling behind. This creates the competitive atmospheres among families and it is like more about the family reputation than the child’s personal growth. As a result, children are often expected to achieve not only for themselves, but also to meet the social expectations of the family and community. Secondly, important reason for parental pressure is that some parents try to fulfill their own unachieved dreams through their children. For example, if a parent once wanted to become the doctor but can not realize it due to the financial or personal reasons, they will want to encourage their children in that path. In such cases the child is expected to achieve what the parent could not, often without considering the child’s own interests or abilities and it can lead to the unrealistic emotional pressure.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThe reasons for parents' increasing high expectations on their children vary.

   The revision corrects the grammatical error in the original sentence by removing the word "increasingly" before "parents" and adding an apostrophe before "children." It also simplifies the phrasing for better readability.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis fosters a competitive atmosphere among families and shifts the focus from the child's personal growth to the family's reputation.

   The revised sentence is more natural and the vocabulary is more precise.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn such cases, the child is expected to achieve what the parent could not, often without considering the child's own interests or abilities, which can lead to unrealistic emotional pressure.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error in the original sentence and improves the clarity.

From my perspective it is the negative development this is because it can lead to mental health issues. When children are constantly pushed to meet high academic or personal expectations, they may begin to suffer from stress, anxiety, and even depression. Over time, this emotional strain can lead to burnout, especially if they feel that their best efforts are never enough. Furthermore, instead of enjoying their childhood, a time that they should spend for play, exploration, and emotional development, they may become overwhelmed by the burden of success, leading to a loss of joy and freedom in their daily lives.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn my opinion, this trend is detrimental as it can lead to mental health issues.

   The revised sentence is more formal and precise.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedConsistent pressure on children to meet high academic or personal standards can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression.

   The revision improves word choice by using "consistent pressure" instead of "constantly pushed" and "standards" instead of "expectations" for a more formal and precise tone.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFurthermore, instead of enjoying their childhood—a time that should be spent on play, exploration, and emotional development—they may become overwhelmed by the burden of success, leading to a loss of joy and freedom in their daily lives.

   The revision corrects the awkward phrasing by using an em dash for a more formal and clear separation of ideas.

To conclude, the causes of why more and more parents frequently push their children to achieve outstanding results are the competitive environment and achieving their past ambitions via their children. In my view, this is a very negative development, because it cause emotional issues and lose the chance to enjoy their youth.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, the factors driving parents to push their children to achieve high results include societal competitiveness and the desire to fulfill their own unachieved dreams through their children.

   The revised sentence is more concise and the ideas are connected more effectively.