Parents’ pressure to succeed: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

224 words. Marked by Axiom on 24 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2224 words

Parents are putting a lot pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Because of societal expectations and competition, many parents push their children to achieve high academic results and excel in various fields. As a result, children often feel overwhelmed and stressed. I believe this is a negative trend because excessive pressure can harm children's mental health and overall well-being.

Many parents set extremely high expectations for their children, expecting them to excel in school, participate in extracurricular activities, and secure a successful career. They constantly remind their children of the importance of success, which creates a fear of failure. As a result, children feel anxious and struggle with self-esteem issues. Some children even lose interest in learning because they see education as a burden rather than an opportunity.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedConsequently, children often feel anxious and grapple with issues related to self-esteem.
The revised sentence is more formal and academically appropriate.

In some cases, parental pressure leads to serious consequences. Children who feel pressured to meet their parents' expectations may suffer from anxiety and depression. They might also experience sleep deprivation due to long study hours. In extreme situations, some children may even engage in unhealthy coping mechanisms such as isolation, self-harm, or substance abuse to deal with the stress.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedIn certain instances, the pressure from parents can lead to serious consequences.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThey might also suffer from sleep deprivation due to their extended study hours.
The revised sentence is more formal and academically appropriate.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedIn extreme situations, some children may resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as isolation, self-harm, or substance abuse in an attempt to manage the stress.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.

In conclusion, due to increased expectations from parents, many children experience high levels of stress and anxiety. Because of this, they struggle with mental health issues and may lose motivation. I am of the opinion that this is a negative development as it puts children's well-being at risk.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn conclusion, the increased expectations from parents can lead to many children experiencing high levels of stress and anxiety.
This revision provides a clearer and more direct conclusion to the essay.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedI believe this trend is detrimental, as it jeopardizes the well-being of children.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments made in the body paragraphs.

Sentence revisions 2

RevisedIn conclusion, the increased expectations from parents can lead to many children experiencing high levels of stress and anxiety.
This revision provides a clearer and more direct conclusion to the essay.
RevisedI believe this trend is detrimental, as it jeopardizes the well-being of children.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed.

Sentence revisions 2

RevisedConsequently, children often feel anxious and grapple with issues related to self-esteem.
The revised sentence is more formal and academically appropriate.
RevisedIn certain instances, the pressure from parents can lead to serious consequences.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.

Lexical resource

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

Sentence revisions 2

RevisedThey might also suffer from sleep deprivation due to their extended study hours.
The revised sentence is more formal and academically appropriate.
RevisedIn extreme situations, some children may resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as isolation, self-harm, or substance abuse in an attempt to manage the stress.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.

Task response

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.

Suggestions

Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help to make your writing more concrete and persuasive.

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