Looking for life on other planets: IELTS Task 2 essay #9, band 6.5

The question of allocating governmental fundings to seek life in other planets has long been a topic of debate. While some people argue that its necessary to find life in other planets as the earth is becoming challenging to live because of myriad of global problems, others believe that those allocations should directed to mitigate global problems instead of wasting money on “fairy-tale”. I do, personally, support the latter viewpoint as there are the number of issues that is more important than seeking life in other planets.

As numerous global issues appear and the Earth population rises, demand for new areas that can be suitable for living is growing. It is authorities and research companies that should work on it and rise funding to start the process of finding planets that could have life. Fortunately, this kind of researches are conducting because of the global problems and increasing population, by some organizations and individuals such as NASA and Ilon Musk. The project of creating life on the Mars was started by these conductors, spent billions of dollars in last 5 years on this project.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedAs numerous global issues arise and the Earth's population rises, the demand for new living spaces is growing.

   The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more natural and accurate phrasing.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIt is the responsibility of authorities and research companies to address this issue and secure funding to start the process of finding potential life on other planets.

   The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more natural and accurate phrasing.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedFortunately, these kinds of researches are being conducted due to global problems and increasing population by organizations and individuals such as NASA and Elon Musk.

   The sentence is a bit confusing and the use of the present continuous tense is not consistent. The revision provides a clearer and more concise version of the sentence.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThe project of creating life on Mars, initiated by these conductors, has spent billions of dollars in the last 5 years.

   The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision provides a more natural and accurate phrasing.

However, in my opinion, focusing on more global problems including heating and excessive population growth would lead better life on the Earth. When all countries use eco-friendly regime – means using non-toxic transportations, productive waste-recycling and reduce industrial impacts on environment, and decrease childbirth rate these issues would ease. As an outcome, people across the globe live without environmental challenges, with having more lands and spaces to live on the Earth.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIf all countries adopted an eco-friendly regime, such as using non-toxic transportation, effective waste-recycling, and reducing industrial pollution, and decreased the birth rate, these issues would be alleviated.

   The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision provides a more natural and accurate phrasing.

In conclusion, it is indeed true that governments spending to seek a life in other planets would be beneficial as more and more issues appearing on the Earth, I think allocating money to diminish these problems is more advantageous. Furthermore, in most cases, finding life-available planets to live in the future is something unbelievable, because Muck’s project “ate” his billions of dollars without a significant positive result.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while it is true that spending to seek life on other planets could be beneficial, I believe that allocating money to address existing problems on Earth is more advantageous.

   The conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's opinion. The revision provides a clearer and more concise version of the conclusion.