Looking for life on other planets: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 6.5

There is an ongoing debate about whether spending money on other plants to look for life is necessary or not. Some people believe the government should fund on other planets to find a place where is possible to live, while others think there are many issues related to Earth, which have to be solved to avoid long-term challenges.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedSome people believe that the government should fund research on other planets to find a potential new habitat, while others think that there are many issues related to Earth that need to be addressed to avoid long-term challenges.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors, making the meaning clearer and the expression more accurate.

On the one hand, some people consider that investing money by the government for exploring other plants is worth to look for life. To them, because of the current issues on Earth, we should immediately find a way to go to the planets. This is because we cannot tackle these complex problems, with our intelligence. For example, global warming, which is one of the most complex unsolved issue. Due to these hot days, the glaciers that is located in the Antarctica are starting to melt, and some countries have the risk of flooding, making the problems impossible to address. Additionally, the shrinking of the Aral Sea has been becoming unsolved problem for over a decade. Not only can it affect negatively in Central Asia, but also it can have negative effect for the world. Therefore they believe the investment for these problems is good idea, instead the government should spend money on other plants to look for life.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the one hand, some people believe that it is worth the government investing money in exploring other planets to find life.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of cohesive devices ensures a smooth transition between ideas.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis is because we are unable to tackle these complex problems with our current intelligence.

   The revised sentence uses more appropriate word choice, making the meaning clearer and the expression more accurate.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIt not only can have a negative effect on Central Asia, but also on a global scale.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors, making the meaning clearer and the expression more accurate.

4. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedTherefore, they believe it is a good idea for the government to invest in these problems and instead spend money on exploring other planets for life.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of cohesive devices ensures a smooth transition between ideas.

However, I agree with those who argue that such efforts are waste of public money as there are various issues on Earth. Firstly, scarcity can be seen as a major challenge in some countries, especially in Africa. Explores are looking for other spaces to find life, while millions of people is struggling from scarcity, which is unfair. Another problem is that literacy rate is continuing to rise, leading to increase a number of people who are unable to write and read due to lack of attention for education. Therefore, it is better first to solve problem on Earth before finding life from other planets.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAnother problem is that, despite the rising literacy rate, the number of people who are unable to read and write due to a lack of education is increasing.

   The revised sentence uses more accurate word choice, making the meaning clearer and the expression more precise.

In conclusion, while some people want government to spend money to other planets to search life, I believe that it is a waste of money, which should be funded for society, as there are many unsolved problems, making people feel a sense of unfair.