Looking for life on other planets: IELTS Task 2 essay #19, band 7.0

The question of whether governments should allocate money to looking for life on other planets has sparked a discussion, with some people arguing in favor of such funding, while others contend that the governing bodies should focus on the more serious issues on Earth. In my view, it is problems in our planet that authorities care about the most instead of wasting their budget on an unrealistic hypothesis like discovering life in other planets.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn my view, it is the problems on our planet that should take precedence, rather than wasting budget on the unrealistic hypothesis of discovering life on other planets.

   The sentence was a bit confusing, and the revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of your opinion.

Proponents of allocating countries’ budget to finding life outside the Earth argue that such investment, after missions searching for suitable habitat for people in other planets succeed, could guarantee humanity’s survival from increasing threats — global warming, pollution, habitat loss, flooding, and overpopulation — on Earth. Moreover, investing money in space exploration may also cultivate reinforced technological advancements since such missions require groundbreaking technologies. This improvement in contemporary inventions, in turn, may address social-related issues.

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedProponents of allocating countries’ budget to finding life outside Earth argue that such investment, after missions searching for a suitable habitat for people on other planets succeed, could ensure humanity’s survival from increasing threats on Earth such as global warming, pollution, habitat loss, flooding, and overpopulation.

   The sentence had a few prepositional errors and was a bit long and confusing. The revision provides a more clear and accurate phrasing.

2. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedThe advancement in contemporary inventions may, in turn, address social-related issues.

   The phrase 'this improvement' was a bit unclear, and the revision provides a more direct and clear connection between the points you are making.

However, I firmly believe that this trend is just a waste of money, and instead the government should mitigate global problems first. There are billions of people suffering from different problems like poverty, water scarcity, pollution, lack of nutrition, and others, and it is an injustice to neglect those individuals by diverting resources to cosmic research. Additionally, most explorations on cosmos were unsuccessful after “the Moon landing”, meaning that the large amount of budget and recourses that countries are spending is just wasting.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedHowever, I firmly believe that this trend is a waste of money, and that the government should prioritize addressing global problems.

   The sentence was a bit long and the use of 'instead' was a bit confusing. The revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of your opinion.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   Revisedissues such as poverty, water scarcity, pollution, lack of nutrition, and others, and it is an injustice to neglect those individuals by redirecting resources to cosmic research.

   The phrase 'problems like' is a bit informal and vague. The revision provides a more precise and formal phrasing.

3. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedAdditionally, most explorations of the cosmos have been unsuccessful since “the Moon landing”, indicating that the significant amount of budget and resources that countries are spending is being wasted.

   The phrase 'most explorations on cosmos were unsuccessful' is grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a more accurate phrasing.

In conclusion, while such development may guarantee the survival of the humanity and provide rapid progression in technological development, I strongly believe that there are more important issues in our globe that authorities should care about the most. Thousands of people are dying due to lack of water and food and global wars, while millions of them are suffering from poverty, pollution, and other environmental problems, so it is unjustifiable to overlook them by focusing solely on space.

1. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn conclusion, while such developments may ensure the survival of humanity and facilitate rapid technological advancement,

   The phrase 'the survival of the humanity' is not idiomatic in English. The revision provides a more natural and accurate phrasing.

2. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedThousands of people are dying due to a lack of water and food, and as a result of global conflicts, while millions more are suffering from poverty, pollution, and other environmental problems. Therefore, it is unjustifiable to overlook them by focusing solely on space.

   The sentence had a few issues with parallelism and word order. The revision provides a more clear and accurate phrasing.