Looking for life on other planets: IELTS Task 2 essay #18, band 6.5

It is claimed by some that governments should invest money in searching for another life in other planets. However, others state that as there are numerious untackled global issues, it is a waste of mony to look for another life. This essay covers the discussion of both views along with my own opinion.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedSome people argue that governments should invest money in searching for life on other planets.

   The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.

It is clearly true that we now have more greater need to live at another planet than we ever had before. Firstly. it is largely due to overpopulation. As there are, in fact, over 8 billion living people on Earth, many countries across the whole world is facing struggles with locating their population and with providing a shelter for them. To make things worse, the global population numbers are even growing faster that the most anticipated, as it was proven by some world-wide studies. Therefore, It is reasonable to conclude that governments need to pay more attention and money on searching for another life in order to shelter the increasingly rising numbers of world population.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIt is clear that we have a greater need than ever to live on another planet.

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2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedTo make matters worse, the global population is growing faster than ever before, as numerous worldwide studies have shown.

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3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedTherefore, it is reasonable to conclude that governments need to invest more in space exploration to accommodate the rising global population.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more appropriate cohesive device.

On the other hand, there are other people who concerns about the unresolved problems of our planet. So they argue that it is not a smart investment of money to look for other planets to live when the Earth still has other issues to work on. Clear examples for such problems can be world hunger and decreasing rates of clean water. In other words, in these day and age, many Third World Countries and some developing nations are having difficulties with providing enough food and drinkable clean water to their population, facing starvation and clean water issues as a result. Hence, I personally claim it is thoughtful to believe that when our planet Earth yet has issues that has not been solved, it is a waste of public money to search for life in other planets.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the other hand, some people believe that we should focus on addressing the unresolved problems of our planet.

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2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedA clear example of this is world hunger and the decreasing availability of clean water.

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To conclude, there are different views about how to invest public money, either to spend this money on other planets to look for life when we have increasingly spreading problems, such as overpopulation or to spend this money on problems that has not been adressed yet, such as lack of drinkable water and food. Personally, I strongly believe that the public money should be spent on untackled issues of our planet Earth due to the reasons I discussed above.