Looking for life on other planets: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 6.5

Many individuals find that governments should spend money on other planets to seek life. Others argue that, it is a waste of public funds, especially when there are plenty of unresolved issues on Earth. Although it is important to conduct on life of other planets, governments ought to focus on more crucial problems such as education, adequate healthcare and lack of clean water.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAlthough the search for life on other planets is important, governments should focus on addressing more pressing issues such as education, healthcare, and clean water shortages.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the intended meaning.

Some scientist believe that exploration of other planets can transform lifestyle. For example the satellite communication, GPS and medical discovery. Now, mankind is using phones, which is subconsciously associated with conducting the space. Meanwhile, exploration in the space would be a huge breakthrough in science, it might be finding answers about biology, evolution of humans and the condition for life. For instance, scientist can find a sign of life on the other planets during the exploration. In my view, although exploring the space is an expensive expedition, it would show benefits for some countries, which can afford.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedSome scientists believe that the exploration of other planets can lead to transformative advancements in lifestyle.

   The revised sentence corrects the pluralization of 'scientist' and improves the sentence's overall clarity.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedFor example, advancements in satellite communication, GPS technology, and medical discoveries have all been byproducts of space exploration.

   The revision provides more context and specificity, making the example more effective.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFor instance, scientists could potentially find signs of life on other planets during these explorations.

   The revision corrects the pluralization of 'scientist' and improves the sentence's overall clarity.

Despite valuable of exploring, there are many problems are more important than it. First of all, lack of education is the main reason to spend money on a sufficient way. Since many African countries' inhabitants are not getting enough basic knowledge, spending on learning other planets in rich countries instead they should help developing such as poor countries. Secondly, adequate healthcare is an another issue for most of countries. For instance, covid-19 showed that people are not ready to tackle this type of lethal disaster. Thirdly, clean water is getting a global problem over time. Only two or three percent of water is drinkable, so governments should focus on keeping level of the water, instead of the space. In my view, they are more important.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedDespite the value of exploring, there are many other problems that are more important.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'the value of exploring' instead of 'valuable of exploring' improves the overall cohesion.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedSince many African country's inhabitants lack access to basic education, funds that are spent on exploring other planets in wealthier nations could be seen as misplaced, as opposed to helping developing countries.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the comparison being made.

In conclusion, although governments can offer many discoveries by exploring the space, people are fighting other vital problems. I think governments ought to focus on more crucial problems.