Less study, more physical activity: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
225 words. Marked by Axiom on 12 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2225 words
TASK 2: Parents should encourage their children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. Do you agree or disagree
In recent years there has been an ongoing debate over whether parents should inspire their children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. I partly agree with this opinion because education is important, but children also need regular exercise to stay healthy.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, studying is crucial for children's future.
The word 'crucial' is more appropriate in this context as it conveys a stronger sense of necessity.
Lexical resource
RevisedThey need to devote sufficient time to doing homework and preparing for exams.
The revised sentence is more natural and collocationally appropriate.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf they study too little, they may fall behind in their lessons and receive lower marks at school.
The verb 'get' should be replaced with a more formal synonym in an academic essay.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor example, a student who regularly reviews their lessons is more likely to understand difficult subjects and perform well in exams.
The term 'reviews their lessons' is more appropriate in this context.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTherefore, parents should not overly reduce their children's study time.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
On the other hand, physical activity is equally important for a child's health. Children who spend many hours sitting at a desk can become tired and less active. Exercise can help them stay fit, reduce stress and have more energy.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor instance, engaging in activities such as playing football, cycling, or going for a walk after studying can help children relax.
The revised sentence is grammatically more accurate and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedEngaging in physical activities can also help children develop social skills through play or exercise with other children.
The revised sentence is more natural and collocationally appropriate.
However, they also need enough time for their studies.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, I agree that while it is important for children to engage in physical activities, it should not be at the expense of their studies.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more comprehensive conclusion, summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI believe children should engage in both study and exercise regularly.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more detailed and specific. Transitions between ideas are generally well-handled, but some sentences are a bit long and complex, which can make them difficult to follow.
Suggestions
- Try to vary your linking words to create a smoother flow of ideas.
- Make sure each paragraph is well-developed and supports your thesis statement.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, studying is crucial for children's future.
The word 'crucial' is more appropriate in this context as it conveys a stronger sense of necessity.
RevisedTherefore, parents should not overly reduce their children's study time.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedIn conclusion, I agree that while it is important for children to engage in physical activities, it should not be at the expense of their studies.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more comprehensive conclusion, summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIf they study too little, they may fall behind in their lessons and receive lower marks at school.
The verb 'get' should be replaced with a more formal synonym in an academic essay.
RevisedFor instance, engaging in activities such as playing football, cycling, or going for a walk after studying can help children relax.
The revised sentence is grammatically more accurate and clear.
RevisedI believe children should engage in both study and exercise regularly.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThey need to devote sufficient time to doing homework and preparing for exams.
The revised sentence is more natural and collocationally appropriate.
RevisedFor example, a student who regularly reviews their lessons is more likely to understand difficult subjects and perform well in exams.
The term 'reviews their lessons' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedEngaging in physical activities can also help children develop social skills through play or exercise with other children.
The revised sentence is more natural and collocationally appropriate.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are generally well-developed and supported with relevant examples, but the introduction could be more focused and the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Make sure your introduction clearly states your position.
- Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your thesis.
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