Less study, more physical activity: IELTS Task 2 essay #9, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
361 words. Marked by Axiom on 29 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2361 words
Parents should encourage their children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is the view that parents ought to encourage their children to spend less time studying and more doing physical activities.I largely agree that parents should encourage their children to spend more time engaging in physical activities and less time studying.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAlthough academic education is essential for children's future success, the equal importance of physical exercise for their overall development and well-being is also recognized.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
On the one hand, spending too much time studying can adverse affect children's physical and mental health. Many students spend several hours a day sitting at desks, completing homework or preparing for examinations. This sedentary lifestyle can lead to health problems such as obesity and poor posture. Furthermore, excessive academic pressure may cause stress, anxiety and exhaustion. By encouraging their children to participate in activities such as swimming, cycling or playing football, parents can help them maintain a healthy lifestyle and reduce stress. Physical activities also provide opportunities for children to socialise and develop teamwork and communication skills.
If parents encourage their children to spend significantly less time studying, their academic performance may suffer, particularly when they have important exams. Therefore, rather than reducing study time excessively, parents should help their children establish a balanced daily routine, that includes both academic work and exercise.
Lexical resource
RevisedOn the other hand, academic achievement remains a predominant factor in children's future opportunities.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling error and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedStudying enables them to acquire essential knowledge and skills, which can help them enter university and pursue successful careers.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling error and provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
Parents can establish a reasonable study schedule while ensuring that their children have sufficient time for outdoor games, sports and other forms of exercise. For example, children could study for a few hours subsequently school and then spend an hour playing a sport or walking outdoors. This would allow them to make academic progress without neglecting their health.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn my opinion, striking a balance between education and physical activity is the most effective approach.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, I largely agree with the view that parents should encourage their children to engage in more physical activities.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more effective conclusion to the essay.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, this should not come at the expense of their education.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedA balanced combination of studying and exercise is the best way to support children's physical, mental well-being and academic development.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the points you have made in the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn conclusion, I largely agree with the view that parents should encourage their children to engage in more physical activities.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more effective conclusion to the essay.
RevisedConversely, this should not come at the expense of their education.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedA balanced combination of studying and exercise is the best way to support children's physical, mental well-being and academic development.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlthough academic education is essential for children's future success, the equal importance of physical exercise for their overall development and well-being is also recognized.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedStudying enables them to acquire essential knowledge and skills, which can help them enter university and pursue successful careers.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling error and provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedIn my opinion, striking a balance between education and physical activity is the most effective approach.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedOn the other hand, academic achievement remains a predominant factor in children's future opportunities.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling error and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
RevisedConversely, this should not come at the expanse of their education.
The revised sentence corrects the spelling error and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and the writer's position.
Suggestions
- Consider rephrasing the introduction to make your position more clear from the outset.
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