Less study, more physical activity: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
296 words. Marked by Axiom on 12 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2296 words
Parents should encourage their children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, there has been a growing debate over weather spending more time for physical activities rather than studying is reasonable for children.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAlthough many believe that focusing more on sport activities has proven beneficial for the younger generation, I strongly believe that spending more time learning offers more advantages.
The revised sentence corrects the article use and improves the clarity of the statement.
Engaging in physical activities from an early age is so beneficial that it can significantly enhance both physical health and psychological well-being.
Lexical resource
RevisedAdmittedly, there are a lot of benefits to be gained from spending more time on physical activities, such as overall well-being and the acquisition of sport skills.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic, and the use of 'to be gained from' is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe main reason is that spending more time on sports makes the learning process faster and easier for young people, as healthy students can absorb knowledge without distractions.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic, and the use of 'absorb' instead of 'input' is more appropriate in this context.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor example, if a child spends their time on physical activities, they will create a robust foundation for the future.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and the use of 'on' instead of 'for' is more appropriate in this context.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSince students engage in physical activities from a young age, their bodies will adapt to both the physical and emotional pressures of extended studying.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the use of 'engage in' instead of 'do' is more appropriate in this context.
First and foremost, learning from an early age can provide more information in multifaceted tasks.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedNevertheless, many parents encourage their children to spend more time studying, believing this trend has numerous advantages.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor instance, if children focus solely on learning and studying, they will achieve greater success in their lives.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic, and the use of 'solely' instead of 'only' is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedSince people are aware of many subjects and information, they are rewarded, and they also improve their career opportunities earlier.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and the use of 'are aware of' instead of 'aware of' is more appropriate in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTherefore, I believe that spending more time on learning can lead to greater opportunities for children.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic, and the use of 'greater' instead of 'more' is more appropriate in this context.
In conclusion, although parents encourage their children for doing more physical activities rather than studying, I strongly confirm that studying more comes with many benefits, such as knowing many different aspects of life and achieving high qualities in career life.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments you have made in the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFor example, if a child spends their time on physical activities, they will create a robust foundation for the future.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and the use of 'on' instead of 'for' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedSince students engage in physical activities from a young age, their bodies will adapt to both the physical and emotional pressures of extended studying.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the use of 'engage in' instead of 'do' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedNevertheless, many parents encourage their children to spend more time studying, believing this trend has numerous advantages.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, but there are a few errors that could be corrected for clarity. For example, in the sentence "Although many believe that focusing more on sport activities has proven beneficial for young generation," the article before "generation" is not necessary. Proofreading for such errors could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlthough many believe that focusing more on sport activities has proven beneficial for the younger generation, I strongly believe that spending more time learning offers more advantages.
The revised sentence corrects the article use and improves the clarity of the statement.
RevisedFor instance, if children focus solely on learning and studying, they will achieve greater success in their lives.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic, and the use of 'solely' instead of 'only' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedTherefore, I believe that spending more time on learning can lead to greater opportunities for children.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic, and the use of 'greater' instead of 'more' is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the argument.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAdmittedly, there are a lot of benefits to be gained from spending more time on physical activities, such as overall well-being and the acquisition of sport skills.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic, and the use of 'to be gained from' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedThe main reason is that spending more time on sports makes the learning process faster and easier for young people, as healthy students can absorb knowledge without distractions.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic, and the use of 'absorb' instead of 'input' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedSince people are aware of many subjects and information, they are rewarded, and they also improve their career opportunities earlier.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and the use of 'are aware of' instead of 'aware of' is more appropriate in this context.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument and supporting it with relevant examples. The writer takes a clear stance, advocating for the benefits of spending more time on learning rather than physical activities. However, the argument could be further developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the potential drawbacks of focusing solely on learning would provide a more balanced perspective.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
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