Less study, more physical activity: IELTS Task 2 essay #8, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
335 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2335 words
Parents should encourage their children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. Do you agree or disagree?
Today’s world has witnessed the emergence of numerous new phenomena, among which engaging children more with physical activity rather than studying has become popular, I particularly disagree with this viewpoint , to the point that children might face problems related to their academic performance and a risk to become illiterate person in future. While physical exercise is also significant for child evolving.I shall discuss it in forth coming essay
Physical activities plays a crucial role in every child being in terms of developing flexibility, discipline and confidence, which is essential for productive and healthy life. When children experience active lifestyles, doing different kind of sports, takinf a part in marathons or train somewhere else, helps them to build a stronger immune system, meaning that they can escape from being a victim of diseases, which transforms their life into another level. A case in point is Dagestan, a country where children start doing sport from early age. This country full filled with tall mountains, where young children run in fresh air together and do wrestling with each other, Additionally sometime they fight with mount bears .
While children are encouraged with sport , they should also focus on their studies as it considered one of the most significant aspect of every human beings. Education allows children to become literate person, so they can express their opinion at school or to public without hesitation and fear, meaning that they can stay calm and confident, which can lead for creation of incredible ideas. A case in point is South Korea, a country where government mainly focuses on the field of education. Instead of investing money for sport equipments, they spent money for innovative and advanced technology that allows students study more effectively
To sum up all this given information, I would say that this trend should be balanced to the facts that children have to do sports to boost their physical abilities in order to stay healthy, while to become successful person they have to study and observe.
No passages are highlighted in this essay.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the author's stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn today’s world, there has been a growing emphasis on engaging children in physical activities over studying. I particularly disagree with this viewpoint, as I believe it may lead to problems related to their academic performance and the risk of becoming illiterate in the future.
The sentence was revised to improve the use of cohesive devices and ensure a smoother transition between ideas.
RevisedFor example, in Dagestan, a country where children are encouraged to start doing sports at an early age.
The sentence was revised to improve the use of cohesive devices and make it more formal and academic.
RevisedWhile it is important for children to be active in sports, they should also focus on their studies, which is considered a significant aspect of every individual's life.
The sentence was revised to improve the use of cohesive devices and make it more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting. These errors do not significantly impact the overall readability or the effectiveness of the essay, but they do need to be addressed.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedPhysical activities play a crucial role in every child's development, fostering qualities such as flexibility, discipline, and confidence, which are essential for a productive and healthy life.
The verb 'plays' was corrected to 'play' to match the plural subject 'activities'. The sentence was also rephrased for clarity and naturalness.
RevisedEngaging in an active lifestyle, participating in various sports and marathons, helps children build a stronger immune system, protecting them against diseases and significantly improving their quality of life.
The sentence was rephrased for clarity and naturalness, and the gerund form 'doing' was corrected to 'participating'.
RevisedIn conclusion, it is important to strike a balance between encouraging children to engage in physical activities for their physical health and ensuring that they prioritize their studies to become successful individuals.
The sentence was rephrased for clarity and naturalness, and the phrase 'to observe' was removed as it is unclear in this context.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedA prime example is Dagestan, a country where children are introduced to sports from a young age.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
RevisedThis country, filled with tall mountains, where young children engage in outdoor activities such as running and wrestling, from a young age.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, and the word 'full' is no longer used as a verb.
RevisedAdditionally, they sometimes wrestle with each other in the presence of wild bears.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, and the phrase 'mount bears' was corrected to 'wild bears'.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of both physical activity and education in a child's development. The writer takes a clear stance, advocating for a balanced approach that prioritizes education while also recognizing the benefits of physical activity. The argument is well-developed and supported by relevant examples, but the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
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