Less study, more physical activity: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
251 words. Marked by Axiom on 12 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2251 words
Parents should encourage their children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. Do you agree or disagree?
It is widely argued that parents should encourage their children to spend less time on studies and more time on physical activities. I agree with this view, as excessive studying without sufficient breaks can negatively affect children’s overall well-being and make them impatient.
Although academic achievement is important, studying for long hours without breaks may reduce children’s ability to concentrate and make learning less effective. By contrast, physical activities can provide a valuable break from academic work and help children return to their studies with greater energy and focus.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne reason to discourage children from excessive studying is the potential for it to lead to stress and exhaustion.
The revised sentence is more concise and direct.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor example, a student may find that an hour of physical activity, such as football or swimming, after school can help them relax and concentrate better on their homework.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
Another benefit of regular exercise is that it helps children develop patience, discipline and consistency, all of which are valuable qualities in their both academic and personal lives. For instance, children who always play football as part of team have to communicate with their teammates and also learn how to deal with both failture and sucsess.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFurthermore, engaging in activities such as team sports can foster the development of important interpersonal skills, including cooperation, in children.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn conclusion, I strongly support the idea that parents should promote more physical activity among their children.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, this does not imply that academic studies should be overlooked; rather, children should strive to maintain a healthy balance between physical activity and study.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly identifiable. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne reason to discourage children from excessive studying is the potential for it to lead to stress and exhaustion.
The revised sentence is more concise and direct.
RevisedFor example, a student may find that an hour of physical activity, such as football or swimming, after school can help them relax and concentrate better on their homework.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
RevisedFurthermore, engaging in activities such as team sports can foster the development of important interpersonal skills, including cooperation, in children.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne reason to discourage children from excessive studying is the potential for it to lead to stress and exhaustion.
The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
RevisedFor example, a student may find that an hour of physical activity, such as football or swimming, after school can help them relax and concentrate better on their homework.
The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
RevisedFurthermore, engaging in activities such as team sports can foster the development of important interpersonal skills, including cooperation, in children.
The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne reason to discourage children from excessive studying is the potential for it to lead to stress and exhaustion.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
RevisedIn conclusion, I strongly support the idea that parents should promote more physical activity among their children.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
RevisedHowever, this does not imply that academic studies should be overlooked; rather, children should strive to maintain a healthy balance between physical activity and study.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the introduction to make it more engaging and to provide more context for the argument.
- Consider revising the conclusion to make it more comprehensive and to provide a stronger, more lasting impression.
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