Education or free time for the young: IELTS Task 2 essay #13, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
354 words. Marked by Axiom on 4 February 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2354 words
Too much emphasis is given for education for the young. More government money should be spent on free time activities of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a view that too much emphasis is given for education for the students
and more funds should be spent on free time activities of young individuals. I
completely disagree with this statement and think that government money should
be better spent on more valuable fields, while acknowledging the fact that
students may become more productive.
Funds that are spent on free time activities of students, may contribute to better
productivity among young people. Stress has been becoming common issue
among individuals, and government money that is spent on free time activities of
young people may positively impact on this problem. In other words, by giving
young people opportunity to relax and unwind, government may increase
productivity. This can be done, by developing new places for relaxation, such as
parks, playgrounds and espesially sport centres. Partially, thanks to spending
time on areas, where students can unwind, people may have positive effect on
their both physical and mental well-being and it is this factor that contributes to
better productivity. Individuals from Tashkent, serve as a pertinent example in
this context. When these people feel stress, they frequently visit these places
where they can relax and relieve stress. That is why students from this city are
really productive.
However, I believe that these funds should be better spent on more vital fields,
such as terrestrial problems. Nowadays, air pollution became common issue
worldwide and funding should be better spent on this problem. If government
direct funds on these kinds of terrestrial problems, instead of spending money on
free time activities of young individuals, air pollution issue may be mitigated. For
instance, by purchasing appropriate filters for factories that produce waste, air
pollution may be reduced and addressed. In China, for example, government
have been directing funds on solving problem of air pollution, that is why in China
there is not these kinds of issues.
In conclusion, although spending money on free time activities of students may
have positive impact on productivity, I still believe that government should better
direct funds on more necessary fields, such as terrestrial problems, as this can
be far more beneficial.
No passages are highlighted in this essay.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the position, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFunds spent on young people's extracurricular activities may enhance their productivity.
The revised sentence is more concise and has a better flow.
RevisedIn other words, providing young people with opportunities to relax and unwind may increase their productivity.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
RevisedHowever, I believe that these funds could be more effectively allocated to address critical issues such as environmental pollution.
The revised sentence is more specific and direct.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn other words, by providing young people with opportunities to relax and unwind, the government may increase their productivity.
The revised sentence corrects the missing article.
RevisedHowever, I believe that these funds should be more effectively allocated to address critical issues such as environmental pollution.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
RevisedNowadays, air pollution has become a common issue worldwide and funding should be directed towards this problem.
The revised sentence corrects the tense and is more formal.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedBy providing areas for students to unwind, the government can positively impact their physical and mental well-being.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
RevisedThis is why students in this city are highly productive.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
RevisedIf the government directs funds to address these environmental issues, rather than allocating them to the extracurricular activities of young individuals, we may be able to mitigate air pollution.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, and the body paragraphs each focus on a single main idea, which is well supported with specific details. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the argument.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your argument.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well supported with relevant details.
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