Education or free time for the young: IELTS Task 2 essay #15, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
305 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 May 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2305 words
Too much emphasis is given for education for the young. More government money should be spent on free time activities of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People hold divergent views wheather government fund should be devoted to
improve education or leisure activities for the young. Although both sides have
their merits, I belive that balanced approach should be taken for long-term
benefits.
One on the main reasons why governments invest more money to develop
educational system has to do with its profound impact on the national ecomony.
If students get high quality of education from kindergarten to university , these
institutions can provide professional and well-educated candidates. The more
have young people modern and renovated learning environment, the more they
do get better education which leads them high income jobs. This means that
governments fund should be invested to modernize the school and university
buildings, employ international teachers to adopt foreign teaching methods, and
to provide institutions with latest technologies which in turn enhance the overall
literacy level of the students. This can be examplified by Singapure, one of the
developed counties, which allocates more than half of the annual income of the
country to education. It is one of the main reasons why this country is known for
both its better education system and financial status. This demonstrates that
investing in education of young people has crucial role in economy.
On the other hand, some individuals claim that governments should prioritize to
develop entertaiment activities that young people can play on their spare time.
The supporters of this notion believe that the young tend to be more energetic
and playful which creates demand to different playground areas. In this age
students prefer to spend their better part of thet outside , playing with friends.
From this standpoin, spme people belive that the government money should be
invested more on that . However, i strongly belive that the balanced approach
should be impletemted as it offer more benefits for both sides.
No passages are highlighted in this essay.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne of the main reasons why governments invest more money in developing the educational system is its profound impact on the national economy.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point the writer is making.
RevisedOn the other hand, some individuals argue that governments should prioritize the development of entertainment activities for young people.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point the writer is making.
RevisedHowever, I strongly believe that a balanced approach should be implemented, as it offers more benefits for both sides.
The revised sentence corrects the typographical errors and provides a clearer statement of the writer's position.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and some sentences are difficult to understand. The essay contains several grammatical errors that can affect the overall clarity and readability. These include errors in article usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Proofreading is recommended to correct these errors and improve the overall quality of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIf students receive a high-quality education from kindergarten to university, these institutions can provide professional and well-educated candidates.
The revised sentence corrects the use of the definite article and the term 'receive a high-quality education'.
RevisedThe more young people have a modern and renovated learning environment, the more they get better education, which leads to high-income jobs.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of the term 'the more have'.
RevisedIn this age, students prefer to spend most of their time outside, playing with friends.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of the term 'their better part of thet'.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource, with some less common words and phrases. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common words and phrases. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne of the main reasons why governments invest more money in developing the educational system is its profound impact on the national economy.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of the term 'develop'.
RevisedThis is exemplified by Singapore, one of the developed countries, which allocates more than half of its annual income to education.
The revised sentence corrects the incorrect use of the term 'exemplified' and the misspelling of 'Singapore'.
RevisedFrom this standpoint, some people believe that the government should invest more money in that.
The revised sentence corrects the typographical errors and the awkward phrasing.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both sides of the issue and providing a clear personal stance. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and the essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by ensuring that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed.
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free