Education or free time for the young: IELTS Task 2 essay #14, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
224 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 February 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2224 words
Too much emphasis is given to the education of students. More government money should be spent on free-time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people around the world argue that government is spending too much money for education; they think, instead, this money should be spent on free-time activities for youth. I, however, completely disagree with this statement on the ground that education is key factor of personal and cultural development, and there are enough facilities for young people's free-time activities.
Some schools around the globe lack equipment, not to mention technologies. Consequently, the country will see economic growth in the next few years, as the bigger workforce and the competition for work places helps companies to get more qualified employees.
Lexical resource
RevisedI believe that the government is not allocating sufficient funds towards students' education, which can hinder some students' development.
The revised sentence uses more precise language and is more formal in tone.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedMoreover, investing in education can help people find jobs and alleviate unemployment.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural in English.
When it comes to free time activities, parks located throughout the cities immediately come to mind.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, they are often not utilized as the youth typically spend their free time playing online games.
The revised sentence is more natural and fluent in English.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTherefore, upgrading equipment alone will not solve the issue of young people's free time activities.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and is more natural in English.
Lexical resource
RevisedInstead, countries should promote the use of such facilities by implementing advertisements and restrictions on phone usage.
The revised sentence uses more precise language and is more formal in tone.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, I believe that increasing investment in education is crucial for a country's development, and encouraging limited phone usage can improve how young people spend their free time.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states your position, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Additionally, the conclusion effectively summarizes your argument but could be more comprehensive. Ensuring a consistent use of linking phrases throughout the essay will help to better connect your ideas.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI completely disagree with this statement, as I believe that education is a key factor in personal and cultural development and there are sufficient facilities for young people's free-time activities.
The revised sentence has a better flow of ideas and is more coherent.
RevisedWhen considering free-time activities, the image of parks located throughout cities immediately comes to mind.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the next point.
RevisedIn conclusion, I believe that increasing investment in education is crucial for a country's development, and encouraging limited phone usage can improve how young people spend their free time.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, in the sentence, "I, however, completely disagree with this statement on the ground that education is key factor of personal and cultural development," the phrase "on the ground that" should be followed by "that education is a key factor for personal and cultural development." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of your writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI, however, completely disagree with this statement because I believe that education is a key factor in personal and cultural development, and there are sufficient facilities for young people's free-time activities.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural in English.
RevisedMoreover, investing in education can help people find jobs and alleviate unemployment.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural in English.
RevisedTherefore, upgrading equipment alone will not solve the issue of young people's free time activities.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and is more natural in English.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be refined. For example, "free-time activities" could be more succinctly referred to as "leisure activities," and "youth play online games in their free time" could be rephrased as "youths often spend their free time playing online games." Improving the precision and appropriateness of your vocabulary will enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI believe that the government is not allocating sufficient funds towards students' education, which can hinder some students' development.
The revised sentence uses more precise language and is more formal in tone.
RevisedHowever, they are often not utilized as the youth typically spend their free time playing online games.
The revised sentence is more natural and fluent in English.
RevisedInstead, countries should promote the use of such facilities by implementing advertisements and restrictions on phone usage.
The revised sentence uses more precise language and is more formal in tone.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. You have clearly stated your position, disagreeing with the idea that government funding should be redirected from education to free-time activities for youth. Your argument is well-developed, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the issue. However, the essay could be strengthened by providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you mention that upgrading equipment in parks will not solve the issue, and that youth typically spend their free time playing online games. Providing specific examples of how government funding for education can directly benefit students and contribute to national development would enhance your argument. Additionally, more detailed explanations of how encouraging youth to use park facilities can help address the issue would add depth to your response.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your points.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
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