Age and job applicants: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 7.0

There is a growing trend where job applicants in inappropriate age cannot be rejected by companies in some parts of the world. While this shift can pose certain challenges, particularly physical and mental limits, I view it as mostly advantageous, decreasing the unemployment rate.

One concerning issue associated with hiring employees who are not in appropriate age can be mental and physical barriers. When workers are too young, lacking experiences, or very old, having health problems, companies may face difficulties in work. The direct results of this are not confined to unprofessional results in assignments, data, and projects, but also extend to slower pace of work, ultimately resulting in poor productivity. For instance, if one manufacturing industry take younger generations as stuff members, manufacturing process may become slower and less productive, thanks to the inexperienced and physically weaker new employees. Therefore, it is lack of experience and lesser physical strength in some employees that lead such outcomes.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne concern associated with hiring employees of non-typical age can be the mental and physical challenges it poses.

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2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThe direct consequences of this are not limited to subpar performance on assignments, data, and projects, but also result in a slower work pace and ultimately lower productivity.

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3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFor instance, if a manufacturing industry employs younger generations, the manufacturing process may become slower and less productive due to the inexperience and physical frailty of the new employees.

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However, I believe that this development offers robust benefit that can far outweigh its drawbacks, more precisely, it declines the unemployment rate. With accepting workers from different age groups despite of age standards in workplaces, organizations can provide myriad citizens with job. This, in turn, not only improves society as a whole, but also reinforces country’s economy. This is exemplified by Soviet Union, where all citizens provided with jobs, whether they were 15, or 70 years old. As a result, this country became the world’s top 5 economy, with almost 0% unemployment rate. Thus, it is important for organizations and companies to accept job applicants to mitigate joblessness in society.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHowever, I believe that this trend, by enabling a more diverse workforce, significantly reduces unemployment, thus outweighing its drawbacks.

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2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis, in turn, not only benefits society as a whole, but also strengthens the country's economy.

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In conclusion, although this trend may cause negatives in terms of productivity in jobs, but this kind of disadvantages still pale in comparison to its positives, such as reduced unemployment rate.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, despite its potential negatives in terms of job productivity, the positive impact on unemployment rate far outweighs the negatives.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear.