Age and job applicants: IELTS Task 2 essay #10, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
427 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2427 words
In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants their age. Is this a positive or negative development?
Today the world's economy is on the brink of collapsing. Everyone in one family has to work to live a stable life. Although it might sound unfair to let teenagers and elderly for at such age and not have them enjoy their life, but there is many advantages we tend to miss out in the process.
Some people might say "Why?", the reason is simple, they are not ready for that kind of job yet. Corparate jobs demand high professionalism and responsibility which can be overwhelming for someone young and inexperienced. By contrast, rejecting a perfect candidate for their age because they are too old is unjust. Because elderly people or someone who is over the age of 45 have seen many things in their life and they are developed enough to be responsible and they have enough experience which young employees might lack.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor example, a 16-year-old teenager who wants to work and help their family should carefully choose the job they want to apply for.
The revised sentence is more concise and the use of 'their' instead of 'his or her' is more natural and less formal.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis is because some companies have age and degree requirements.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and the use of 'requirements' is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis can be justified.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
From my experience, rejecting a person, depending on what job, just because they are too old or young is unfair. I worked as barista in a cafe when I was 15 in my summer vacation and it was a wonderful experience. I can confidently say that I learned how to communicate with people, how to handle people with short temper and most importantly I leaner how hard it was to earn money. Because sometimes we, young people, take the money our parents are making with so much effort, for granted. While working they will learn the structure of the job they are working for, how to save money, where to spent money and where not to.
Lexical resource
RevisedTherefore, allowing people to work from a young age imparts valuable life lessons.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdditionally, it prepares the young generation to be more responsible and mature, which is beneficial for the country's future development.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and the phrase 'which is beneficial for the country's future development' provides a more explicit link to the point being made.
Everyone should have their own hard earned money. While choosing a job it's still better to be cautious as some jobs might not be for you.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedLastly, age discrimination in employment is fundamentally unjust.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, and it is also more concise.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedYoung people should start with simple jobs, perhaps as shelf organizers in bookstores or baristas in cafes, and work their way up gradually.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and makes the point more clear and concise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFor example, a 16-year-old teenager who wants to work and help their family should carefully choose the job they want to apply for.
The revised sentence is more concise and the use of 'their' instead of 'his or her' is more natural and less formal.
RevisedThis is because some companies have age and degree requirements.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and the use of 'requirements' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedAdditionally, it prepares the young generation to be more responsible and mature, which is beneficial for the country's future development.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and the phrase 'which is beneficial for the country's future development' provides a more explicit link to the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, "they should carefully choose that job they want to apply for" could be rephrased as "they should carefully choose the job for which they want to apply." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAdditionally, some companies will reject applications from individuals under the age of 18, or those without a degree.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and makes the point more clear and concise.
RevisedLastly, age discrimination in employment is fundamentally unjust.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, and it is also more concise.
RevisedYoung people should start with simple jobs, perhaps as shelf organizers in bookstores or baristas in cafes, and work their way up gradually.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and makes the point more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "corparate jobs" should be "corporate jobs," and "prepareing" should be "preparing." Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFor instance, a 16-year-old teenager who wants to work and assist their family should carefully select the job they wish to apply for.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
RevisedThis can be justified.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
RevisedTherefore, allowing people to work from a young age imparts valuable life lessons.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the implications of age discrimination in employment. The writer presents a clear stance against such discrimination and provides arguments to support their position. The essay would benefit from a more formal tone and structure, as well as a more academic writing style. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat informal and could be strengthened by using more formal language. Additionally, the essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity and readability. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully develop your arguments and provide specific examples to support your points.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
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