Age and job applicants: IELTS Task 2 essay #9, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
298 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2298 words
In some countries, it's illegal for companies to reject job applicants because of their age. Is this a positive or negative development?
In today’s fast-paced world, there are divergent views regarding the influence of people’s age when applying for a new job. While I acknowledge the drawbacks of this trend, I contend that it is a positive development.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOne school of thought claims that it should be illegal for employers to reject job applicants based on their age.
The use of 'is' instead of 'should be' is incorrect in this context.
Many companies want to hire young people rather than elderly people. Due to the rapid development of technology, companies cannot benefit if they hire older employees. They often come up with effective solutions to problems. Thus, many companies hire new employees according to their age.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdmittedly, the number of job applicants is increasing significantly.
The verb 'is' should be used instead of 'are' as 'number' is singular.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis is often because youngsters are more familiar with modern technologies, like computers, than older workers.
The sentence is a bit unclear and could be more specific.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, young employees are often willing to work in the evening to achieve better results.
The original sentence is a bit misleading as it suggests that young employees are always available to work in the evening.
Elderly workers are often highly-qualified and experienced. So, they can know how to overcome problems during difficult situation. However, young employees are also good in terms of digital skills. Moreover, rejecting employees based on their ages can create inequality among people. As a result, some workers may be unable to find work for a long time. This can increase the unemployment rate, especially among elderly people. Therefore, employers should not consider the age of job applicants.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, some argue that it is unfair to reject job applicants based on age alone.
The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast to the previous point.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFirst and foremost, everyone should have equal rights when applying for a new job.
The use of 'has' is a bit awkward in this context. The modal verb 'should' is more appropriate.
Lexical resource
RevisedTherefore, employers should consider job applicants of all ages for various roles.
The term 'receive' is a bit formal and may not be the most appropriate in this context. The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs both older and younger workers bring specific advantages to the company,
The phrase 'towards the companies' is awkward and the preposition 'to' is incorrect in this context.
In summary, although I realize the rejection of job applicants according to their age can be beneficial for companies, I maintain that it is fair to be illegal to hire new employees because of their age.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAdmittedly, the number of job applicants is increasing significantly.
The verb 'is' should be used instead of 'are' as 'number' is singular.
RevisedThis is often because youngsters are more familiar with modern technologies, like computers, than older workers.
The sentence is a bit unclear and could be more specific.
RevisedOn the other hand, some argue that it is unfair to reject job applicants based on age alone.
The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast to the previous point.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. For example, "the number of job applicants are increasing significantly" should be "the number of job applicants is increasing significantly." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne school of thought claims that it should be illegal for employers to reject job applicants based on their age.
The use of 'is' instead of 'should be' is incorrect in this context.
RevisedFirst and foremost, everyone should have equal rights when applying for a new job.
The use of 'has' is a bit awkward in this context. The modal verb 'should' is more appropriate.
RevisedAs both older and younger workers bring specific advantages to the company,
The phrase 'towards the companies' is awkward and the preposition 'to' is incorrect in this context.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "companies cannot benefit if they hire older employees" could be rephrased as "companies may not benefit as much from older employees." Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is often because younger people are more adept at using modern technologies, such as computers, than their older counterparts.
The term 'younger people' is more formal and appropriate in an academic essay.
RevisedFurthermore, young employees are often willing to work in the evening to achieve better results.
The original sentence is a bit misleading as it suggests that young employees are always available to work in the evening.
RevisedTherefore, employers should consider job applicants of all ages for various roles.
The term 'receive' is a bit formal and may not be the most appropriate in this context. The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective. The essay could benefit from a more detailed discussion of the implications of the age discrimination debate and a more compelling conclusion that summarizes the key points and reinforces the author's position.
Suggestions
- Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly restates the position.
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