Age and job applicants: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
375 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2375 words
In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants their age. Is this a positive or negative development?
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn some parts of the world, it is illegal to reject young people from becoming involved in an organisation, but I believe that this is largely a positive development.
The original sentence had a double negative, which made the meaning unclear. The revised sentence removes the double negative and is therefore clearer.
I believe that the main reason why companies reject people who are not aged under 18 or so is that young people are less self-aware or can not talk in front of people they wan to accapt more people who are more mature than others. For example companies should be more aware about he personality of a candidate that is applying for the job thay do not know what would happen to them, so they do not want to be responsible for themselves. As in this fast pased world humans are becoming more interested in reading books ang they are now appreciating education .
Lexical resource
RevisedIn the current era, companies are more inclined to hire individuals who are exceptionally talented and independent.
The original sentence had some spelling errors and was awkwardly phrased. The revised sentence is more precise and uses a wider range of vocabulary.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFurthermore, companies must educate young people about the unsuitability of large corporate environments for their personal growth.
The original sentence was unclear and used some awkward phrasing. The revised sentence is clearer and more precise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn such large organizations, it's important to politely inform individuals that they are not a good fit for the position, providing clear reasons why, which can help avoid disappointment.
The sentence was a bit confusing, and the use of 'her' instead of 'here' was likely a typo.
However if they are intelligent person and can become more aware about the world they would become acceptd by the organisation and stay with this company during their entire life . The other thing is people think that this is a generation gap but that is not the thing they imagined .
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIf companies reject individuals who are educated and eager to learn, it can be seen as a negative development. It's crucial for organizations to foster a culture of growth and development, as the future is unpredictable.
The sentence was long and confusing. Breaking it up and simplifying the language can improve clarity and coherence.
Lexical resource
RevisedOrganizations and companies may indeed reject individuals based on age, but this is not inherently disappointing and should not be seen as a negative thing.
The original sentence was unclear and used some awkward phrasing. The revised sentence is clearer and more precise.
Grammar & accuracy
Revisedyoung people should not take rejection as a source of disappointment, as it is merely a response.
The original sentence was unclear and used some awkward phrasing. The revised sentence is clearer and more precise.
in conclusion, companies can not accept younger people according to some reasons, but young people should not get the rejection to dissapointing for them.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a standard structure, but the introduction could better guide the reader about the upcoming discussion. The use of examples to support points is good, but the connection between ideas could be clearer. The conclusion restates the main idea, but it could be more impactful.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make the conclusion more impactful to clearly summarize the main points of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn such large organizations, it's important to politely inform individuals that they are not a good fit for the position, providing clear reasons why, which can help avoid disappointment.
The sentence was a bit confusing, and the use of 'her' instead of 'here' was likely a typo.
RevisedIf companies reject individuals who are educated and eager to learn, it can be seen as a negative development. It's crucial for organizations to foster a culture of growth and development, as the future is unpredictable.
The sentence was long and confusing. Breaking it up and simplifying the language can improve clarity and coherence.
RevisedIn conclusion, while some companies may have reasons for not hiring younger individuals, it's important to ensure that young people do not become disheartened by these rejections.
The original sentence was a bit confusing. The revised sentence is clearer and more coherent.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there is some evidence of a good range of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that can be distracting. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that can be distracting. Verb tense and subject-verb agreement are the most common issues. Proofreading the essay for these errors is recommended.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn some parts of the world, it is illegal to reject young people from becoming involved in an organisation, but I believe that this is largely a positive development.
The original sentence had a double negative, which made the meaning unclear. The revised sentence removes the double negative and is therefore clearer.
RevisedFurthermore, companies must educate young people about the unsuitability of large corporate environments for their personal growth.
The original sentence was unclear and used some awkward phrasing. The revised sentence is clearer and more precise.
Revisedyoung people should not take rejection as a source of disappointment, as it is merely a response.
The original sentence was unclear and used some awkward phrasing. The revised sentence is clearer and more precise.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of a good range of language. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that could be improved. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The use of examples to support points is good, but the choice of words could be more precise. The conclusion could use more formal language to match the rest of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI believe that companies often reject young individuals, typically under the age of 18, due to a perception that they may be less self-aware or less capable of professional interactions, in comparison to their older and more mature counterparts.
The original sentence was awkward and unclear. The revised sentence is more precise and uses a wider range of vocabulary.
RevisedIn the current era, companies are more inclined to hire individuals who are exceptionally talented and independent.
The original sentence had some spelling errors and was awkwardly phrased. The revised sentence is more precise and uses a wider range of vocabulary.
RevisedOrganizations and companies may indeed reject individuals based on age, but this is not inherently disappointing and should not be seen as a negative thing.
The original sentence was unclear and used some awkward phrasing. The revised sentence is clearer and more precise.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the implications of companies rejecting young individuals. The writer presents a clear position, but the argument could be more fully developed with additional supporting details and examples. The conclusion restates the main idea but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-developed.
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