Age and job applicants: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
317 words. Marked by Axiom on 29 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2317 words
**In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age.** **Is this a positive or negative development?**
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedDenying people’s resumes based on their age is a disadvantageous practice, as I firmly believe it disrespects personal rights and discourages both experienced and motivated young job applicants.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective sentence construction.
Age discrimination goes against basic human rights. Every job seeker has the right to be treated equally and fairly during the process of having their CVs reviewed. If older people, for example, are turned down for a certain position solely based on their age, it possibly leads to some psychological effects such as stress or even depression.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis is often the case for individuals in their 40s or 50s who bear the responsibility of supporting their families financially.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and more direct connection to the point being made.
Lexical resource
RevisedFacing rejection e-mails solely based on their age can cause significant mental and financial stress.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective word choice.
Furthermore, offering jobs to only experienced employees would not be beneficial either since younger generation is also highly motivation while entering a job market. However, most young individuals are open-minded, innovative and technologically skilles, making them excellent candidates for large companies working on efficiency and productivity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor example, HR managers often deny Gen-Z applicants due to the misconception that they may have weaker soft skills, such as communication, problem-solving, and negotiation, which are often attributed to the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection to the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSuch age limitations could demotivate these passionate individuals, who are always eager to learn and grow professionally.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective sentence construction.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSome may argue that ageism in the workplace can be beneficial to prioritize more loyal and trained workers.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear expression of the point being made.
Lexical resource
RevisedThey believe that investing in training, mentorship, and professional development for younger employees is more beneficial, as they are likely to be more committed to the company long-term.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective word choice.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHowever, I believe that people of all ages can enhance their skills if given the opportunity, without any barriers to personal and professional growth.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective sentence construction.
In conclusion, judging potential proffesionals based on age is an undesirable developmet. Regardless of their age, individuals deserve the chance to learn and work on themselves.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is often the case for individuals in their 40s or 50s who bear the responsibility of supporting their families financially.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and more direct connection to the point being made.
RevisedFor example, HR managers often deny Gen-Z applicants due to the misconception that they may have weaker soft skills, such as communication, problem-solving, and negotiation, which are often attributed to the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection to the point being made.
RevisedSome may argue that ageism in the workplace can be beneficial to prioritize more loyal and trained workers.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear expression of the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, including complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the argument.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedDenying people’s resumes based on their age is a disadvantageous practice, as I firmly believe it disrespects personal rights and discourages both experienced and motivated young job applicants.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective sentence construction.
RevisedSuch age limitations could demotivate these passionate individuals, who are always eager to learn and grow professionally.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective sentence construction.
RevisedHowever, I believe that people of all ages can enhance their skills if given the opportunity, without any barriers to personal and professional growth.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective sentence construction.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "age discrimination," "equal treatment," and "professional development." However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the argument.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is often the case for individuals worldwide, particularly those in their 40s or 50s, who bear the responsibility of supporting their families financially.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective word choice.
RevisedFacing rejection e-mails solely based on their age can cause significant mental and financial stress.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective word choice.
RevisedThey believe that investing in training, mentorship, and professional development for younger employees is more beneficial, as they are likely to be more committed to the company long-term.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and effective word choice.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the implications of age discrimination in the workplace and arguing against it. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples and explanations. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Address potential counterarguments more thoroughly.
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