Age and job applicants: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 8.0

Age brackets are - undoubtedly - one of the major concerns nowadays in recruitment process, and , moreover, some governments restricted local companies to refuse recruits’ resumes on a basis of this factor. Rational, to some extent, as it seems , I view it through the prism of skepticism and of the standpoint that it is more of a change for the worse.

At first sight , such a prohibition of age in regard to ultimate consideration of job involvement process exerts the young generation to gain necessary knowledge of applicant selection process , along with workplace - essential in long run - experience. Clearly, from economical standpoint , it effectively curtails jobless-related issues , allowing state’s budget to be allocated to more critical problems of a country . Therefore, it might mitigate socio-economic strains in some parts of the world , where curbing excessive unemployment rates is of a complicated dilemma and of the highest demand. Take Uzbekistan as an example , where in 2021 , the rate of unemployed youth comprised staggering 16% of which the majority was cited, according to some social surveys, as being below required age margin.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAt first glance, such a prohibition based on age seems to provide the younger generation with the opportunity to gain necessary experience in the job selection process, which is crucial in the long run.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and the ideas are connected more effectively.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedTherefore, it could help alleviate socio-economic strains in some parts of the world, where reducing excessive unemployment rates is a complex and pressing issue.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and the ideas are connected more effectively.

Nonetheless, I hold the viewpoint that this phenomenon is a far-fetched theory from a long-term analysis perspective. That is , the labor flux , as the major detrimental implication of this tendency, hinders fundamental pillars of the job market and office environment. Corporative ethics, in other words , in terms of mutually trustful delegation of professional responsibilities is eliminated due to low level of competence and qualification of young or aged applicants. In fact , both groups of age are either in a position of merely embarking on a career path , or on the verge of finishing it. Another balance-breaking effect is limitless turnover of employees , which may evoke intrusive negative notions in the mind of workers about values of the company . Simply put, if the appearance of new colleagues occurs daily and does not last long enough ,the employer often bears the blame for it , because working atmosphere formed during years of partnership is of higher price. Hence , hiring youngsters or the elderly may take a toll on mental well-being of the staff and their mutual relationships.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn other words, the high turnover in the job market, which is a major negative effect of this trend, disrupts the core stability of the job market and workplace.

   The revised sentence uses more appropriate and clear vocabulary.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn fact, both age groups are either just starting their careers or close to retiring.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity and readability of the sentence.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAnother detrimental effect is the high turnover of employees, which can lead to negative perceptions among workers about the company's values.

   The revised sentence uses more appropriate and clear vocabulary.

4. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedSimply put, if new colleagues keep joining the workplace on a daily basis and stay for a short period, the employer often gets the blame, as the cost of maintaining a stable work environment is higher.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity and readability of the sentence.

To conclude with , although remedying unemployment , illegalizing disallowance of people representing specific age groups , from my own standpoint , falls a notable short in a long-scale period, fueling a gradual degradation of favorable corporate atmosphere within companies.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, the illegalization of age discrimination in the job market, although aimed at reducing unemployment, in my view falls short in the long run and could potentially lead to a degradation of the corporate atmosphere within companies.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and the ideas are connected more effectively.