Darwin waterfront, 2009 and 2014: IELTS Task 1 answer #9, band 5.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
121 words. Marked by Axiom on 7 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The map this answer describes
2009
- Two areas are explicitly labelled industrial area.
- Residential buildings are grouped below the lake.
2014
- Neither industrial-area label nor its hatch marks remain.
- A university building, harbour and an additional swimming pool are shown.
- There are more residential-building symbols and trees.
Academic Task 1121 words
The map below shows the changes that have taken place at the waterfront area of a town called darwin between 2009 and 2014
The mal illustrate the changes to state Darwin that took place between 2009 and 2014
, becoming much more attractive with far more forest and facilities over the period given
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, it is clear that Darwin experienced some major changes
The revised sentence is more coherent and grammatically correct.
Looking more closely, we can see that,in the west side of map built new swimming pool and industrial area was removed in the centre of town.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn the southeast part of the map, a harbor was developed in 2014.
The revised sentence provides clearer information and correct grammar.
As well as these changes,in the west south sides industrial area was demolished to give way for trees. While all the other structures, such as lake,sea and other buildings remained unchanged from 2009 to 2014
Lexical resource
RevisedA new university building was established in the western part of the town.
The phrase 'was took place' is not grammatically correct. The word 'established' is more appropriate in this context.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay has a logical flow of information and ideas, but there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall coherence of the essay. The essay has an overall structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, the use of pronouns and referencing is a bit confusing, which could make it difficult for the reader to follow the analysis.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information and ideas.
- Make sure to use pronouns and referencing clearly to avoid confusion for the reader.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe map illustrates the changes that took place in Darwin.
Remove the dollar sign and the unnecessary 'state' word.
RevisedOverall, it is clear that Darwin experienced some major changes
The revised sentence is more coherent and grammatically correct.
RevisedIn the southeast part of the map, a harbor was developed in 2014.
The revised sentence provides clearer information and correct grammar.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there is some evidence of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are some errors in the use of articles, prepositions, and verb forms. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms to describe the changes in the map. However, there are some errors in the use of articles, prepositions, and verb forms, such as "the west south sides industrial area was demolished to give way for trees," which should be "the industrial area on the west side was demolished to give way for trees." Additionally, there are some issues with subject-verb agreement and word order that can affect the overall clarity of the analysis.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe industrial area on the west side was demolished to make way for trees.
The phrase 'the west south sides' is not grammatically correct. The correct form is 'the west side.'
RevisedA new university building was established in the western part of the town.
The phrase 'was took place' is not grammatically correct. The correct form is 'was established.'
Lexical resource
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay uses a range of vocabulary to describe the changes in the map, such as "swimming pool," "industrial area," "harbour," and "university building." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the west south sides industrial area was demolished to give way for trees," which should be "the industrial area on the west side was demolished to give way for trees." Additionally, there are some issues with spelling and punctuation that can affect the clarity of the analysis.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn the southeastern part of the map, a harbor was developed in 2014.
The word 'took place' is not the right collocation to use in this context. The word 'developed' is more appropriate.
RevisedA new university building was established in the western part of the town.
The phrase 'was took place' is not grammatically correct. The word 'established' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedWhile all the other structures, such as the lake, sea, and other buildings, remained unchanged from 2009 to 2014.
The use of commas is missing in this sentence, which affects the clarity of the information.
Task achievement
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. However, the essay could provide more detailed analysis and specific examples to support the main points. The essay provides a basic overview of the changes in the map, such as the development of a swimming pool and an industrial area, and the establishment of a university building. However, the essay could provide a more detailed analysis and specific examples to support the main points. For example, instead of simply stating that "the west south sides industrial area was demolished to give way for trees," the essay could provide more specific information about the size and type of the industrial area that was demolished and the type of trees that were planted. Additionally, the essay could provide a more detailed analysis of the overall changes in the map between 2009 and 2014.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis and specific examples to support the main points.
- Consider the implications of the changes on the community, environment, and economy.
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