Australian exports to four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
161 words. Marked by Axiom on 22 August 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Japan | US | China | India | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1990 | 26 | 11 | 2 | 1 |
| 1995 | 20 | 8 | 3 | 1 |
| 2000 | 18 | 11 | 5 | 1 |
| 2005 | 18 | 8 | 11 | 5 |
| 2010 | 17 | 5 | 25 | 7 |
| 2012 | 17 | 7 | 28 | 5 |
Academic Task 1161 words
The graph below shows that percentage of Australian export to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012
Overall, the only country with a rocketing import rate is China. While Japan and US purchases had experienced gradual drops,
Lexical resource
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the percentage of exports from Australia to Japan, the US, China, and India between 1990 and 2012.
The revision provides a more accurate description of the data presented in the graph.
Lexical resource
RevisedIndia reached its peak in 2010, with export figures almost equalling the lowest point of the US.
The revision clarifies the comparison between India's export figures and the US export figures.
Despite the same trend, India underwent noticeable fluctuation in the second half of the period, ending with 5% in 2012.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedLooking at the increments first, we can see that China's imports almost tripled during the whole period.
The revision provides a smoother transition and improves the flow of information.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedChina experienced consistent economic growth until the 21st century, with a dramatic rise to roughly 28% in 2012.
The revision clarifies the information and improves the coherence of the sentence.
Unlike the previous two countries, the gap between Japanese imports and US imports remained almost the same. The gradual decrease trend from 25% to 15% for 20 years was marked without even negligible changes for the Japanese government, whereas multiple rises and falls had been witnessed by the American economy.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedLooking at the increments first, we can see that China's imports almost tripled during the whole period.
The revision provides a smoother transition and improves the flow of information.
RevisedChina experienced consistent economic growth until the 21st century, with a dramatic rise to roughly 28% in 2012.
The revision clarifies the information and improves the coherence of the sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few areas where the grammar could be improved for clarity.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThere was a marked gradual decreasing trend from 25% to 15% over 20 years without even negligible changes for the Japanese government.
The revision provides a more grammatically accurate and clear sentence.
RevisedIndia reached its peak in 2010, with export figures almost equalling the US's lowest point.
The revision provides a more grammatically accurate and clear sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe line graph illustrates the percentage of exports from Australia to Japan, the US, China, and India between 1990 and 2012.
The revision provides a more accurate description of the data presented in the graph.
RevisedIndia reached its peak in 2010, with export figures almost equalling the lowest point of the US.
The revision clarifies the comparison between India's export figures and the US export figures.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the data. The essay also provides relevant details and examples to support the main points.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all data presented in the graph is accurately and clearly described.
- Avoid making subjective statements or providing explanations for the data that are not included in the graph.
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