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Energy sources in Australia: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 5.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

176 words. Marked by Axiom on 4 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The pie chart this answer describes

Energy sources in Australia (IELTS Task 1 pie chart), 20082008: shares of Coal, Oil, Gas, Other, Solar, Wind, Hydro, in %. 2030 (predicted): shares of Coal, Oil, Gas, Other, Geothermal, Wind, Hydro, in %.
Energy sources in Australia (IELTS Task 1 pie chart), 2030 (predicted)2008: shares of Coal, Oil, Gas, Other, Solar, Wind, Hydro, in %. 2030 (predicted): shares of Coal, Oil, Gas, Other, Geothermal, Wind, Hydro, in %.
Values in %.
Show the data
Energy sources in Australia (IELTS Task 1 pie chart), 2008 (%)
Share
Coal39
Oil32.5
Gas22.9
Other3.8
Solar1.3
Wind0.3
Hydro0.2
Energy sources in Australia (IELTS Task 1 pie chart), 2030 (predicted) (%)
Share
Coal27
Oil35.5
Gas32
Other3.6
Geothermal4.3
Wind1.2
Hydro0.7

Academic Task 1176 words

The pie chart below shows energy sources in Australia in 2008 and predictions for 2030

THE PIE CHART GIVES INFORMATION HOW ENERGY SOURCES IN AUSTRALIA IN 2008 AND PREDICTIONS FOR 2030.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedOverall, while coal was the dominant energy source in Australia in 2008, it is projected to decrease by 2030.

    Use a more precise language to describe changes in trends.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedIn addition, the proportion of oil as an energy source is expected to increase from 2008 to 2030.

    The revision corrects the grammatical error and makes the sentence more natural and accurate.

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 2008, a higher proportion of the energy sources was supplied by oil, gas, and coal, which accounted for 32.50%, 22.90%, and 39.00% respectively.

    This revision clarifies the sentence and makes it more concise.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedHowever, the predictions for 2030 suggest a change in these energy sources, with the rates of oil and gas expected to increase by 35.50% and 32.00% respectively, while coal is expected to decrease to 22.30%.

    The revision corrects the grammatical errors and makes the sentence more natural and accurate.

ON THE OTHER HAND, THE LEAST RATE OF ENERGY SOURCES WAS WIND, SOLAR, HYDRO AND OTHERS WITH 0.30 PERCENT, 0.80 PERCENT, 0.20 PERCENT AND 4.30 PERCENR RELATIVELY IN 2008. HOWEVER, PREDICTIONS FOR 2030 SHARE OF ENERGY SOURCES FOR WIND, GEOTHERMAL, HYDRO ADN OTHERS WILL BE ABOUT 0.90 PERCENT, 4.30 PERCENT, 0.70 PERCENT AND 4.30 PERCENT PERFECTIVELY.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.

Suggestions

  • Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedThe pie chart provides information about the distribution of energy sources in Australia in 2008 and projections for 2030.

    Use a more formal tone and clear structure in your sentences.

  • RevisedOverall, while coal was the dominant energy source in Australia in 2008, it is projected to decrease by 2030.

    Use a more precise language to describe changes in trends.

  • RevisedIn 2008, a higher proportion of the energy sources was supplied by oil, gas, and coal, which accounted for 32.50%, 22.90%, and 39.00% respectively.

    This revision clarifies the sentence and makes it more concise.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay makes use of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are some errors and the use of grammatical range is not fully demonstrated.

Sentence revisions 2

  • RevisedIn addition, the proportion of oil as an energy source is expected to increase from 2008 to 2030.

    The revision corrects the grammatical error and makes the sentence more natural and accurate.

  • RevisedHowever, the predictions for 2030 suggest a change in these energy sources, with the rates of oil and gas expected to increase by 35.50% and 32.00% respectively, while coal is expected to decrease to 22.30%.

    The revision corrects the grammatical errors and makes the sentence more natural and accurate.

Lexical resource

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies and the use of all-caps is not appropriate.

Sentence revisions 2

  • RevisedThe pie chart provides information about the energy sources in Australia in 2008 and projections for 2030.

    Avoid using all-caps as it is not considered proper etiquette in writing.

  • RevisedConversely, the least utilized energy sources were wind, solar, hydro, and others, which accounted for 0.30%, 0.80%, 0.20%, and 4.30% respectively in 2008.

    The revision uses more precise language to describe the data.

Task achievement

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the pie chart. The key features and significant trends are identified and described. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making more direct comparisons where possible.

Suggestions

  • Provide more specific details and make more direct comparisons to support your analysis.
  • Consider the implications of the data and provide some insight into the potential reasons for the trends.

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