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Energy sources in Australia: IELTS Task 1 answer #4, band 4.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

227 words. Marked by Axiom on 10 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The pie chart this answer describes

Energy sources in Australia (IELTS Task 1 pie chart), 20082008: shares of Coal, Oil, Gas, Other, Solar, Wind, Hydro, in %. 2030 (predicted): shares of Coal, Oil, Gas, Other, Geothermal, Wind, Hydro, in %.
Energy sources in Australia (IELTS Task 1 pie chart), 2030 (predicted)2008: shares of Coal, Oil, Gas, Other, Solar, Wind, Hydro, in %. 2030 (predicted): shares of Coal, Oil, Gas, Other, Geothermal, Wind, Hydro, in %.
Values in %.
Show the data
Energy sources in Australia (IELTS Task 1 pie chart), 2008 (%)
Share
Coal39
Oil32.5
Gas22.9
Other3.8
Solar1.3
Wind0.3
Hydro0.2
Energy sources in Australia (IELTS Task 1 pie chart), 2030 (predicted) (%)
Share
Coal27
Oil35.5
Gas32
Other3.6
Geothermal4.3
Wind1.2
Hydro0.7

Academic Task 1227 words

The pie charts show energy sources in Australia in 2008 and predictions for 2030

Looking to the percentages of 2030, the oil energy is predicted to be the lowest as in 2008.

  1. Lexical resource

    RevisedThe energy source proportions are expected to change significantly by 2030.

    Used more precise vocabulary.

  2. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 2008, coal had the highest percentage, while hydro had the lowest.

    Clarified the sentence for better understanding.

In Australia, in 2008, the percantages of energy sources were different from each other. In that year, the proportion of wind energy was 0,30 % , and it is expected to be 0,80 while the other energy sources were 4,30%. However, the status of hydro energy was the same lowest level in 2008 and 2030, but it is expected to be higher in 2030 for 0,50% and it would be 0,70%

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedCoal was the most used energy source in 2008.

    Simplified the sentence for clarity.

While the proportion of coal was the highest in 2008, it is expected to reduce 22,30%. Furthermore, the percentage of other energy sources and geothermal are predicted to be in a same 4,30% in 2030. It is clear the highest energy source in 2008 was coal which is 39,00%, coming to 2030, the proportion of oil energy if is forecasted to be the highest which is 35,50%

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 2030, the proportions are expected to change noticeably compared to 2008.

    Improved sentence structure for clarity.

  2. Lexical resource

    RevisedGas was 22.9% in 2008 and is expected to increase to 32% by 2030.

    Corrected the use of percentages and improved clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression. Some sentences are repetitive and lack clarity.

Suggestions

  • Use linking words to improve flow.
  • Organize ideas logically by grouping similar information.
  • Avoid repetition of similar points.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedIn 2008, coal had the highest percentage, while hydro had the lowest.

    Clarified the sentence for better understanding.

  • RevisedIn 2030, the proportions are expected to change noticeably compared to 2008.

    Improved sentence structure for clarity.

  • RevisedCoal was the most used energy source in 2008.

    Simplified the sentence for clarity.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 4.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOil is predicted to be the lowest as it was in 2008.

    Corrected the grammatical structure.

  • RevisedIt is expected to rise to 0.70% in 2030.

    Corrected grammatical errors and improved clarity.

  • RevisedOther energy sources and geothermal are both predicted to be 4.30% in 2030.

    Corrected grammatical errors and improved sentence structure.

Lexical resource

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedOil is predicted to be one of the lowest sources in 2030, similar to 2008.

    Improved accuracy and clarity.

  • RevisedThe energy source proportions are expected to change significantly by 2030.

    Used more precise vocabulary.

  • RevisedGas was 22.9% in 2008 and is expected to increase to 32% by 2030.

    Corrected the use of percentages and improved clarity.

Task achievement

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay attempts to describe the data but lacks precision and completeness.

Suggestions

  • Include all relevant data from the charts.
  • Ensure accuracy in reporting figures.
  • Provide a clearer comparison between 2008 and 2030.

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