Energy sources in Australia: IELTS Task 1 answer #3, band 5.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

244 words. Marked by Axiom on 10 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The pie chart this answer describes

Values in %.

Show the data

Energy sources in Australia (IELTS Task 1 pie chart), 2008 (%)
	Share
Coal	39
Oil	32.5
Gas	22.9
Other	3.8
Solar	1.3
Wind	0.3
Hydro	0.2

Energy sources in Australia (IELTS Task 1 pie chart), 2030 (predicted) (%)
	Share
Coal	27
Oil	35.5
Gas	32
Other	3.6
Geothermal	4.3
Wind	1.2
Hydro	0.7

Academic Task 1244 words

The pie charts show energy sources in Australia in 2008 and predictions for 2030

The pie charts depict the information about energy sources in Australia in 2008 and predictions for 2030.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThe pie charts show energy sources in Australia for 2008 and predictions for 2030.
Simplified sentence structure.

It is clear that the proportions in 2030 are expected to change dramatically. In 2008, the highest and lowest percentages were in coal and in hydro respectively. Looking to the percentages of 2030, the oil energy is predicted to be the lowest as in 2008.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedThe proportions of energy sources in 2030 are expected to change significantly compared to 2008.
Clarified the comparison and improved cohesion.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedIn 2030, oil is predicted to remain one of the lower sources of energy, similar to 2008.
Clarified and corrected the vocabulary.

In Australia, in 2008, the percantages of energy sources were different from each other. In that year, the proportion of wind energy was 0,30 % , and it is expected to be 0,80 while the other energy sources were 4,30%. It is noticeable that the coal enegy was on top proportion in 2008. However, the status of hydro energy was the same lowest level in 2008 and 2030, but it is expected to be higher in 2030 for 0,50% and it would be 0,70%

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn 2008, the percentages of different energy sources in Australia varied.
Simplified and clarified the sentence structure.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedCoal had the highest proportion in 2008.
Simplified and corrected vocabulary.

In 2030, the proportions are expected to change noticeable rather than in 2008. While the proportion of coal was the highest in 2008, it is expected to reduce 22,30%. Furthermore, the percentage of other energy sources and geothermal are predicted to be in a same 4,30% in 2030. The proportion of gas energy source was 22,90% in 2008 and is expected to increase 32,00% in 2030. It is clear the highest energy source in 2008 was coal which is 39,00%, coming to 2030, the proportion of oil energy if is forecasted to be the highest which is 35,50%

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn 2030, significant changes in energy source proportions are expected compared to 2008.
Improved clarity and cohesion.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedGas accounted for 22.9% in 2008 and is expected to rise to 32% in 2030.
Improved word choice and precision.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay attempts to compare the energy sources between 2008 and 2030 but lacks clear organization and logical flow. There are some abrupt shifts between ideas, making it difficult to follow.

Suggestions

Use clear paragraphing to separate ideas.
Ensure logical progression of ideas.
Use linking words to connect sentences smoothly.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe proportions of energy sources in 2030 are expected to change significantly compared to 2008.
Clarified the comparison and improved cohesion.
RevisedIn 2008, the percentages of different energy sources in Australia varied.
Simplified and clarified the sentence structure.
RevisedIn 2030, significant changes in energy source proportions are expected compared to 2008.
Improved clarity and cohesion.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward sentence constructions.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe pie charts show energy sources in Australia for 2008 and predictions for 2030.
Simplified sentence structure.
RevisedHydro energy remained the lowest in both 2008 and 2030, but is expected to rise to 0.7% in 2030.
Corrected grammatical errors and improved clarity.
RevisedIn 2008, coal was the highest energy source at 39%, whereas in 2030, oil is forecasted to be the highest at 35.5%.
Improved sentence structure and grammatical accuracy.

Lexical resource

Band 5.0/ 9

The vocabulary used is basic and sometimes inaccurate. There is a lack of variety in word choice.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedCoal had the highest proportion in 2008.
Simplified and corrected vocabulary.
RevisedIn 2030, oil is predicted to remain one of the lower sources of energy, similar to 2008.
Clarified and corrected the vocabulary.
RevisedGas accounted for 22.9% in 2008 and is expected to rise to 32% in 2030.
Improved word choice and precision.

Task achievement

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task but lacks clear and accurate details from the chart.

Suggestions

Provide accurate data from the charts.
Ensure all relevant information is included.

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