Robots at home and at work: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 7.0

There is a growing trend where robots are taking house chores and tasks from people in jobs, positively contributing to convenience for housewives and increased productivity for bosses at workplaces. However, despite these advantages and negative impacts - high rates of unemployment and obesity - can far outweigh the positives.

One of the advantages of robots in housework is the convenience in a way that by doing all house chores themselves instead of housewives. In today's world, Tesla Company is creating a number of robots that can do all ordered housework by themselves at the expense of some energy. This benefits worker women by providing them a clean kitchen and delicious meals immediately after they come back home. As a result, they can primarily focus on their work tasks and their children's behavior.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne advantage of robots is the convenience they provide by taking over house chores, thus relieving housewives from this task.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are connected more effectively.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn today's world, companies like Tesla are developing robots that can perform household tasks autonomously, albeit at the expense of some energy.

   The revised sentence is more clear and uses the term 'autonomously' correctly in this context.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis benefits working women by providing them a clean kitchen and delicious meals ready for them when they come back home.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.

However, despite these advantages, utilizing robots at home might pose some potential for obesity and laziness. This is the case for those who are not working in formal jobs and have time to do their chores by themselves. If robots do all work in house, unemployed women might spend their leisure time for sleeping and scrolling on the Internet. This poses risks for obesity, since this type of woman can be inactive by not doing just that housework.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHowever, along with these advantages, the use of robots at home may potentially contribute to increased rates of obesity and laziness.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the following points in the essay.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedThis is particularly relevant for those who do not have formal jobs and who typically handle their own chores.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the idea.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIf robots were to handle all the household tasks, unemployed women might spend their leisure time sleeping or browsing the Internet.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.

Another advantage of robots is that they can do more tasks in workplaces without much effort and do them more accurately than humans. This is very beneficial for the productivity and growth of any company, as tasks done in a week by human workers might be done in just one day via robots. By increasing the number of robots, any company can gain more profit and broaden their business.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAnother advantage of robots is their ability to perform tasks in the workplace more efficiently and with greater accuracy than humans.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more logical presentation of the idea.

Nonetheless, this practice may pose some problems in terms of unemployment. This is clear that if there was more robots to do tasks efficiently than humans, every single employer would hire robots than human workers. Consequently, the rate of unemployment increases and the quality of life for certain types of people would worsen because of poverty and lack of work. Therefore, employing more robots might be dangerous for human workers.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedTherefore, the widespread employment of robots might pose a threat to human workers.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the idea.

Overall, it is true that robots are useful in terms of both house chores and work tasks. But, it might be risky for unemployed housewives as the comfort created by robots and it might increase the level of unemployment rate because of high productiveness in robots.