Robots at home and at work: IELTS Task 2 essay #6, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
308 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 May 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2308 words
More and more tasks we do at home and at work these days are done by robots. Is this a positive or negative development?
There is a growing trend where myriad tasks are done by robots nowadays, contributing to job displacement. Despite this negative, the positives —non-stop working and precision — can far outweigh the drawbacks.
For example, a taxi system without a driver, and completely driven by artificial intelligence has been introduced in China. Thus, it is rise of automation in jobs that results in the need for workplace among individuals.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne significant concern associated with the increased use of robots in the workforce is job replacement.
The revised sentence provides more context and is more formal.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs more and more intelligent machines are used in various professions, the need for human labor will automatically decline, resulting in a skyrocketed unemployment rate.
The revised sentence corrects the verb tense and the preposition used.
Lexical resource
RevisedWhile this may seem like an intriguing and positive development, in reality, it can lead to increased unemployment, especially in overpopulated countries like China.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and uses more precise language.
One robust advantage of robots in labor is non-stop working. When manufacturers implement artificial machines, they can work without stopping, since they have no tiredness, or the sense of pain.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, the benefits of this trend are numerous.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, not only does work productivity increase, but the work of staff members can also be simplified thanks to intelligent machines.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more precise language.
Put it simply, contemporary robots work so accurately, that they measure every element in details. This results in production and service in every fields. On top of that, these automobiles work extremely accurate and precisely, attracting many tourists. As a result, not only this city’s economy is boosting from tourism, but also UAE government allocating huge funds to the advancement of such technologies. Therefore, it is essential to use robotic workforce in jobs.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe advantages of this development go beyond just constant working and also include precision.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor instance, flying cars have been introduced in Dubai.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the fact that increased automation across all fields may lead to higher unemployment rates, the benefits, including non-stop working and precision, are more important and profitable for both authorities and companies.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments made in the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne significant concern associated with the increased use of robots in the workforce is job replacement.
The revised sentence provides more context and is more formal.
RevisedConversely, the benefits of this trend are numerous.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the fact that increased automation across all fields may lead to higher unemployment rates, the benefits, including non-stop working and precision, are more important and profitable for both authorities and companies.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors that could be corrected for clarity and precision. For example, in the sentence "One robust advantage of robots in labor is non-stop working," the phrase "in labor" should be "in labor markets." Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs more and more intelligent machines are used in various professions, the need for human labor will automatically decline, resulting in a skyrocketed unemployment rate.
The revised sentence corrects the verb tense and the preposition used.
RevisedThe advantages of this development go beyond just constant working and also include precision.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
RevisedFor instance, flying cars have been introduced in Dubai.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "robotic workforce," "job displacement," and "non-stop working." However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne significant concern associated with the increased use of robots in the workforce is job displacement.
The term 'job displacement' is more commonly used in this context.
RevisedWhile this may seem like an intriguing and positive development, in reality, it can lead to increased unemployment, especially in overpopulated countries like China.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and uses more precise language.
RevisedAs a result, not only does work productivity increase, but the work of staff members can also be simplified thanks to intelligent machines.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more precise language.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the increasing use of robots in the workforce. The writer presents a clear position that the positives, including non-stop working and precision, outweigh the negatives, and provides relevant examples to support this position. However, the argument could be more fully developed in some areas, and the conclusion could more effectively summarize the main points made in the essay.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your points.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
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