Robots at home and at work: IELTS Task 2 essay #8, band 7.0

Nowadays, most of the work we do at home and at work are done by machines. I personally think that this trend is going to have negative consequences, particularly affecting unemployment and poverty rates.

Firstly, most of the jobs now are in danger, as technology is getting advanced. Artificial intelligence that is most commonly implemented in modern robots basically “kills” artists and programmers, because it can literally draw anything the user says and write a code that you want. For instance, statistics show that in 2024, unemployment rate occurs most in the faculties of IT and arts, while in previous years when artificial intelligence was not popular, these rates were pretty low.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedFirstly, the advancement of technology has put many jobs at risk.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedAdvancements in artificial intelligence, which are commonly integrated into modern robots, pose a threat to artists and programmers as these systems can replicate their work and automate the coding process.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate and less colloquial expression of the point being made.

Additionally, doctors are also affected by this technology, especially surgeons. Robots’ advancement is accelerating so much, they can now do surgeries of human organs. Companies such as Sony are showing their product, which can open a wound in one piece of corn, do mini operations in it, and close the wound, using a micro needle. Eventually, these professions will not need any specialists.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn addition, this technology also has an impact on the medical field, particularly for surgeons.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the point being made.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedThe rapid advancement in robotics has now made it possible to perform human organ surgeries.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate and less awkward expression of the point being made.

3. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedCompanies such as Sony are showcasing their products that can perform minimally invasive surgeries on corn, using a micro needle.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the point being made.

Finally, human work will not be very appreciated. People are getting swapped by robots, and so there will be a lack of demand for physical work. Physical jobs, for example cleaning streets, where mostly uneducated people work, are going to be done by robots, as they are efficient in both money and time, with cheap electricity and no resting. If cleaners are losing their job, they cannot be employed for other spheres without any diplomas, and so the poverty rate will rise significantly.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedFinally, the value of human work may diminish as robots take over more tasks.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point being made.

2. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedPeople are being replaced by robots, leading to a reduced demand for physical labor.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the point being made.

3. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedIf cleaners lose their jobs, they may struggle to find employment in other sectors due to a lack of qualifications, potentially leading to a significant increase in poverty.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate and less awkward expression of the point being made.

To conclude, robots are doing most of the job in both apartments and workplaces in recent years. This is going to have a negative impact on the world, as it leads to increased unemployment and poverty rates in society.