Robots at home and at work: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 8.0

The advent of technology has changed many aspects of people’s lives; robots are not an exception. These days, a vast majority of human tasks, especially household chores and office work, are considered the responsibility of robots. While this trend can be described as negative, I am of the view that it is generally a change for the better.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedI am of the view that this is generally a positive change.

   The revision is more concise and uses more natural-sounding language.

Admittedly, the trend towards robots taking over people’s tasks can be seen in a negative way due primarily to their mechanical minds. To be more specific, robots are made by individuals, which means even though they are considered as intelligent machines, some circumstances, like breakdown and malfunction, exist. This, in turn, can trigger some extra problems; say, if a robot cuts out in the middle of the process, the work will not only be ineffective but also can lead to severe financial problems. Another plausible reason is that robots can turn people’s active lives into sedentary lifestyles. Today, it is clear that most people exploit this modern technology in an inappropriate way, mainly for their domestic chores. What I mean is that if robots take the responsibility of doing domestic chores from people, there will be a high possibility of addiction to exploiting robots whenever they get tired of doing their responsibility and allow; as a result, they would end up being idle and also inactive, which can also lead to serious illnesses.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThis, in turn, can trigger some extra problems. For instance, if a robot malfunctions during the process, it can lead to ineffective work and severe financial problems.

   The sentence is quite long and complex. Breaking it up into two sentences can improve clarity and readability.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedToday, it is clear that many people misuse this modern technology, primarily for their domestic chores.

   The word 'exploit' has a strong negative connotation and may not be the best choice in this context. 'Misuse' is more appropriate.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis means that if robots take over domestic chores, there is a high risk of people becoming overly reliant on them, which could lead to inactivity and serious health issues.

   The original sentence was long and confusing. The revision is more concise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.

Inconvenient as it may seem, I personally consider this trend as positive for various reasons. Chief among them is simplifying a hard workload; for example, there are a number of people who have full-time jobs, which means they rarely have spare time to go to their house and do their domestic chores. Robots, however, can take the responsibility of performing household tasks, and it would be a golden opportunity for people to work effectively without worrying about their tasks at home, since if a person has a concern or something bothers him or her while they are working, they cannot complete their assignments effectually due to these agitations; thus, robots are useful in terms of preventing the outcomes of stress and depression from people and assisting them to complete not only their assignments at their workplaces, but also some tasks that they have to perform at their home. Furthermore, there are some heavy workloads that require at least three people to finish them off, but with the prevalence of robots, people need not exert themselves for these tasks and can simply allow robots to take these chores away from individuals.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedDespite its inconveniences, I personally consider this trend to be positive for various reasons.

   The sentence is a bit awkward and could be made more concise and direct.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThe primary benefit is the simplification of a heavy workload. For instance, many people with full-time jobs lack time for household chores.

   The revision is more concise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFurthermore, heavy workloads that require the effort of multiple people can be managed with the help of robots, relieving individuals of excessive strain.

   The revision is more concise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.

In conclusion, allowing robots to perform household tasks and some workloads can be inconvenient for some people; it is a successful and accessible invention for some who are struggling with heavy workloads. Therefore, from my perspective, this development is a favorable one.