Resources for wild animals: IELTS Task 2 essay #6, band 5.0

There is preveling view that for protecting wild animls and birds allocating a lot of resources and focus while this may seem spending funds and concentrating is unnecessary activities, I strongly agree that we should proctecting the birds and rare animals because after exsisring the rare animals we could not return this type of animal and it effect to another important animals because life of the animals as a chain

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThere is a prevailing view that protecting wild animals and birds requires a lot of resources and focus, and that this is sometimes seen as unnecessary.

   The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and spelling.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedOnce we have exstincted a rare animal, we cannot bring that species back, and this can have a cascading effect on other important animals, as the food chain is disrupted.

   The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and spelling, and it is also more concise and clear.

One of the major why I agre is that keeping and saving the animals and birds because if the rare animal would not protect on the special reserve because precious animals hunt by broken for selling because rare animals and cost is very valuable. For exaple In XVII centry dodos were exicting but cost of the dodos were extremly expensive before existing. After that many brokens become reach but animals world become poor. It was only one type of the birds becoming victim of the broken

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne of the major reasons I agree with this perspective is that protecting and preserving rare animals is crucial. If we do not protect these animals and keep them in special reserves, they may fall victim to poachers, and their existence could be jeopardized. Moreover, rare animals are often valuable, both in terms of their economic worth and their role in the ecosystem.

   The sentence was revised to improve the use of cohesive devices and to ensure clarity and coherence. The original sentence was confusing and repetitive.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedOnly one type of bird became extinct as a result of the dodo's extinction.

   The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and spelling, and it is also more concise and clear.

Addmitedly, some people argued that protecting the wild animals and birds are unnecesary this is because they specialized to wild nature in their opinion the wild animals bite, kick or butt and other opinions. However this argument is les convicing because if the people did not frighting them or no getting animals’ nerves. After that most animals become to innocuous and feel seens of kindness and then animals believe to them surrendering completely to humans

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAdmittedly, some people argue that protecting wild animals and birds is unnecessary, as they are seen as wild and untamed creatures that may pose a threat to humans. However, this argument is not convincing, as it is important to protect these animals for the sake of the ecosystem and biodiversity.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and uses a variety of cohesive devices to link the ideas.

In counclusion, although it may argued that humans afraid from their wildness. I firmly agree that if the attack would not from the people the animals prefer to without causing any harm for the people because although they wildness but they caring to people

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, although it can be argued that humans may be afraid of wild animals, I firmly agree that if animals were not a threat to humans, they would not cause harm. This is because, despite their wild nature, they are inherently caring and do not wish to cause harm to humans.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and uses a variety of cohesive devices to link the ideas.