Resources for wild animals: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
278 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 July 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2278 words
Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people think that too much attention and a lot of different resources are given to protect wild animals and birds. I disagree, because wild animal provide maintain ecological balance, prevent the spread of diseases
It leads to different disease such as stress or high blood pressure. This is particularly beneficial for young children and elderly people, because Young children are deep frightened to wild animal, in the future, you cannot speak (P.S children afraid deep of something, they usually don't speak or not full speak)
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSome people disagree with this view, arguing that wild animals and birds are unnecessary for them.
The revised sentence is more coherent and clear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIf people support different wild animals such as bears, lions, and birds, these animals can pose a serious threat to humans, leading to outdoor activities being avoided and feelings of isolation and alienation.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, this can lead to various health problems spreading among the population.
The revised sentence provides more context and is therefore more accurate.
Nowadays wild animal population decreased in the world. I think, we are very supported in wild animal because wild animal and birds provide different opportunities. When individuals support wild animal, which can build home or cooking meals for animals, thus can increased wild animal population, This can ultimately lead lo growing animals and better environment. However wild animal and birds can cleaning the environment. They are eating other death animals, which supported not spread disease. Consequence, the environment very fresh and natural. Without wild animal, there are several disease spread in the world.
In conclusion, many people think wild animals unnecessary, it is lead to some health problems such as don't speak, but I agree this opinion,
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIt is really important for the environment as it provides significant benefits, such as the ability to clean the environment.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, there are some issues with coherence as the argument is not always clear and the use of cohesive devices is sometimes confusing. Additionally, the use of pronouns and referencing is sometimes unclear, which can cause confusion for the reader.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to use pronouns and referencing clearly to avoid confusion.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSome people disagree with this view, arguing that wild animals and birds are unnecessary for them.
The revised sentence is more coherent and clear.
RevisedIf people support different wild animals such as bears, lions, and birds, these animals can pose a serious threat to humans, leading to outdoor activities being avoided and feelings of isolation and alienation.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.
RevisedIt is really important for the environment as it provides significant benefits, such as the ability to clean the environment.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in the use of articles and prepositions. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, and there is a good range of grammatical structures. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the use of articles and prepositions. These errors can cause confusion for the reader and should be addressed to improve clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSome people disagree with this view, stating that wild animals and birds are unnecessary for them.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the argument.
RevisedIf people support different wild animals such as bears, lions, and birds, these animals can pose a serious threat to humans, leading to outdoor activities being avoided and feelings of isolation and alienation.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the argument.
RevisedIt is really important for the environment as it provides significant benefits, such as the ability to clean the environment.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the argument.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, which can cause confusion for the reader. Additionally, the use of synonyms is sometimes not quite accurate, so be careful to choose the most appropriate word for the context.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIf people support different wild animals such as bears, lions, and birds, these animals can pose a serious threat to humans, leading to outdoor activities being avoided and feelings of isolation and alienation.
The revised sentence uses more accurate and collocation.
RevisedAs a result, this can lead to various health problems spreading among the population.
The revised sentence provides more context and is therefore more accurate.
RevisedIt is really important for the environment as it provides significant benefits, such as the ability to clean the environment.
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of collocation and word choice.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more clearly.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your argument more fully and support it with specific examples.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position.
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