Resources for wild animals: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 8.0

For many decades now, protecting animals and birds has been very important for humans. It is certainly right that sufficient resources and attention are focused on this, but obviously there are other priorities as well that need consideration.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedWhile it is undoubtedly important to allocate resources and attention to wildlife conservation, it is also crucial to consider other pressing issues.

   The revision provides a more natural and idiomatic phrasing.

It is obvious that wildlife is worthy of every energetic effort and resource. After all, once a species is gone, it is gone forever, just like the Dodo. These days, this is of crucial importance, as human populations and needs grow exponentially. For example, deforestation and cash crops in Malaysia and Indonesia put pressure on rainforest biodiversity and the lives of animal like orangutans. Meanwhile, growing affluence in Vietnam and China is creating demand for ivory poachers in Africa. Elsewhere, similarly ignorant customers who ought to know better are causing tigers and other endangered species to be hunted. More rangers and other types of enforcement can help.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThe importance of wildlife conservation is evident and deserves comprehensive attention and resources.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the wildlife conservation's importance.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedMeanwhile, the growing affluence in Vietnam and China is creating a demand for ivory, leading to poachers in Africa.

   The revision clarifies the meaning of the sentence.

On the other hand, resources and attention need to be balanced to take care of human needs as well. There are still starving millions in Africa and other continents, displaced by war and famine. These obviously need our active compassion. Millions of other people live in slums the world over, battling drugs, disease and poverty and a lack of education. Finally, global warming and other environmental issues also demand our attention.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedConversely, a balance must be struck between wildlife conservation and addressing human needs.

   The revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the idea.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThese clearly require our active compassion and support.

   The revision provides a more natural and idiomatic phrasing.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFinally, the pressing issues of global warming and other environmental concerns also require our attention.

   The revision provides a more natural and idiomatic phrasing.

In conclusion, it is difficult to say that there are too many resources allocated to the world's valuable fauna. However, an adequate balance needs to be struck in considering human and broader priorities as well.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, the allocation of resources to wildlife conservation is not excessive and deserves careful consideration.

   The revised sentence is clearer and more direct, and the term 'wildlife conservation' is used consistently.