Resources for wild animals: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 5.5

Some individuals deliberate that too much attention coupled with too many valuable resources are separated for protection of wildlife in our planet by every country. However, even if these actions are correct there are some drawbacks which this essay will describe.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedHowever, this essay will discuss the drawbacks of these actions, even if they are deemed to be correct.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammar and punctuation errors, making the meaning clearer.

On the one hand, we shouldnot forget about birds and animals are essential creations, moreover, these have a substantial influence on a plant’s health along with on food chain. But, plenty of people still envisioning are majority of resources resembling money as well as energy not to mention attempts worth outstanding results in the in wildlife. extinction is a natural process and people’s help along with its intervention are not always necessary. Also destruction of wildlife can lead to inferior results similar to climate change and with dreadful income for farmers due to birds not to mention insects just as bees have been supporting farmers in a way of growing crops and else.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the one hand, we should not forget that birds and animals are essential creations that have a substantial influence on a plant’s health and the food chain.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and easier to understand.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHowever, many people believe that the majority of resources, such as money and energy, should be directed towards wildlife conservation.

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3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThe destruction of wildlife can also have severe consequences, such as contributing to climate change and causing financial losses for farmers, as wildlife such as bees play a crucial role in pollination.

   The revised sentence uses more natural and precise language.

On the other hand, couple of disadvantages will be demonstrated. First unfavorable side is as known protection as well as breeding animals require many valuables,however, they do not make economical profit. So, instead of sacrificing cash and energy with the aim of reaching a balanced of life in wild, humanity could spend them on developing infrastructure which makes remarkable passive profit in future for many years. Moreover, numerous of countries have been investing in protection nature which is demanding process,so they could invest on healthcare, education coupled with poverty, since multitude of lands have described problems.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedOne disadvantage is that animal protection and breeding require significant resources, which do not generate any economic profit.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammar and punctuation errors, making the meaning clearer.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedTherefore, instead of investing resources in wildlife conservation, humanity could use them to develop infrastructure that will provide a significant return on investment in the long run.

   The revised sentence uses more natural and precise language.

The summarize what has been stated so far, animals play crucial role in our planet, so many and attempts should be balanced, which actively demonstrates that none of options should be escalated, and none of them should be alleviated.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn summary, animals play a crucial role on our planet, and efforts to conserve them should be balanced. This demonstrates that none of the options should be escalated or alleviated.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.