Education or free time for the young: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
273 words. Marked by Axiom on 1 August 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2273 words
Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
However, some people believe that more government money should be spent on leisure activities for young people. I completely disagree with this idea, as many people around the world still suffer from a lack of proper education, which directly affects their lifestyle and future opportunities.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSignificant attention is afforded to the education of students.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and precise expression.
For example, many students experience mental health issues due to academic pressure and constant studying.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedPrimarily, it is crucial to encourage and support students both in their education and during their free time activities.
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression.
Lexical resource
RevisedConsequently, an increasing number of students can enhance their creativity and acquire practical skills through diverse leisure activities.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and formal expression.
Lexical resource
RevisedEngaging in leisure activities, such as sports or creative hobbies, can assist them in relaxing, alleviating stress, and maintaining a healthy balance between their studies and personal life.
The revision provides a more varied and precise vocabulary.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTherefore, it is preferred by many governments to invest in the education of young people, as it has a direct impact on the future development of society.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and more formal tone.
Without proper education, young people are less likely to find good jobs, contribute to the economy, or make informed decisions. In many parts of the world, students still lack access to basic educational resources, such as qualified teachers and textbooks.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, I am of the strong belief that government money should not be redirected from education to leisure activities.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and emphatic tone.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhile leisure time is significant, education serves as the cornerstone of a successful society.
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHence, it would be imprudent to diminish investment in education when numerous enhancements are still requisite.
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn conclusion, while allocating funds towards leisure activities for students may offer certain benefits, the global education system still necessitates additional attention and investment.
The revision provides a more varied and precise vocabulary.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedTherefore, it is preferred by many governments to invest in the education of young people, as it has a direct impact on the future development of society.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and more formal tone.
RevisedHowever, I am of the strong belief that government money should not be redirected from education to leisure activities.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and emphatic tone.
RevisedPrimarily, it is crucial to encourage and support students both in their education and during their free time activities.
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are few grammatical errors, but they do not impede communication.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSignificant attention is afforded to the education of students.
The revised sentence provides a more formal and precise expression.
RevisedWhile leisure time is significant, education serves as the cornerstone of a successful society.
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression.
RevisedHence, it would be imprudent to diminish investment in education when numerous enhancements are still requisite.
The revision provides a more formal and precise expression.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedConsequently, an increasing number of students can enhance their creativity and acquire practical skills through diverse leisure activities.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and formal expression.
RevisedEngaging in leisure activities, such as sports or creative hobbies, can assist them in relaxing, alleviating stress, and maintaining a healthy balance between their studies and personal life.
The revision provides a more varied and precise vocabulary.
RevisedIn conclusion, while allocating funds towards leisure activities for students may offer certain benefits, the global education system still necessitates additional attention and investment.
The revision provides a more varied and precise vocabulary.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging and precise.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the introduction to make your position more clear and to directly address the topic.
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