Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #6, band 8.0

There is a decline in the number of animal and plant species in many countries. In my opinion, the reason for this degradation is mostly human behaviors that affect the environment, but this is also partly because of diverse animals that prey on others. To reduce the activity of human behaviors, we can increase the importance of these species in public, especially endangered ones, and amend laws to strict orders, which could work if we followed them, I believe. However, there is nothing we can do with some animals’ natural attitudes.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn my opinion, this degradation is primarily due to human activities that damage the environment, although it is also partially the result of natural predation.

   This revision corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the sentence structure.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedTo mitigate the impact of human activities, it is crucial to raise awareness about the importance of protecting endangered species and to enforce stricter legal protections.

   This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

More and more animals and plants are dying because of humans. It all begins with ordinary people who are the reason for different pollutions. In other words, the majority of people are throwing garbage in seas, forests, and so on, but they do not realize that the air and aqua pollution they cause is damaging the animals and plants living there. For example, a single set of garbage thrown into the sea can contain mixed substances that are actually harmful to fishes, and some fishes can even die or at least suffer from severe disease by tasting these substances; that is, animals do not have knowledge like humans, so that is why they can confuse rotten good (trash) with food.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThe increasing number of animal and plant deaths can be attributed to human activities.

   This revision provides a more formal and academic tone.

Another human behavior that caused that decline is profligacy. This is additional pressure on animals because the more people consume food, timber, paper, and other resources the more the condition of the environment suffers. To be specific, people do not follow economic life and utilize papers abundantly, which is indeed terrible due to the increasing demand for these papers that are obtained thanks to the cut trees. Additionally, deforestation is not only due to the demand for paper but also the need for more extended space for humans to live or work.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedProfligacy in human behavior also contributes to this decline.

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Nevertheless, in my perception, this is partly some animals’ fault because they prey on other smaller ones, which sometimes leads to the extinction of these prey. There are many both omnivorous and herbivorous animals, which means that their food is not only animals but also plants. For instance, animals like elephants sometimes may eat endangered species, and a clan of hyenas, which actively hunt in a team, might attack a single cheetah that is considered a rare animal. However, again, it is just these animals’ nature, and they do not know if they attack rare species.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHowever, it is also important to consider the role of certain animals in this decline, as their predatory behavior can lead to the extinction of their prey.

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   RevisedFor example, elephants may sometimes graze on endangered species, and packs of hyenas, which hunt in groups, may target rare animals like cheetahs.

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3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedHowever, it is inherent to these animals' nature, and they are unaware if they are targeting rare species.

   This revision corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the sentence.

As for the solutions to that problem, we can increase the essence of animals and plants to avoid future detrimental human behaviors. First, the government should put more money into education. Then, people will begin to appreciate animals and plants, especially after reading “Red Book”, which consists of data on endangered species. Finally, the government can introduce new strict laws related to the conservation of animals to the public, so that people will no longer be able to throw garbage wherever they want. Following these rules can be an initial great step to success.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFollowing these rules could be an initial significant step towards success.

   This revision corrects the phrasing and improves the clarity of the sentence.

Nonetheless, there is nothing we can do with predators and prey. Animals can hunt and be hunted, and there should not be human interventions, which means that this is the only acceptable reason for the degradation of species.

In summary, we should educate people who are unfamiliar with the importance of declining animals and set laws based on their preservation because the decline is mostly because of human interventions, but we should not try to find solutions to the natural attitudes of some animals.