Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 8.0

Recently, the world has witnessed a significant decline in the number of animals and plant species. This can be attributed to several factors, including poaching, animal testing, and deforestation. However, this can be addressed by imposing stricter legislation against illegal hunting, limiting the activities of the logging and cosmetic industries.

Poaching has been a persistent problem for decades, responsible for the loss of a great number of animal species. As some people, particularly those living in underdeveloped countries, mostly rely on animal hunting for their livelihood, they have to hunt animals to meet their basic necessities by selling those expensive endangered species. As a result, this can lead to the loss of animal species that are endangered. Moreover, animal testing is another critical factor contributing to the loss of animal species, as they are cruelly used to make breakthroughs in the medicine and cosmetics industries. For example, as some animals’ genetics are similar to those of humans, they are commonly utilized to check the consequences of using specific drugs or products to ensure whether they are safe before being used for people. Another driver of biodiversity loss is deforestation. As vast tracts of forest are being cleared by agricultural practices and logging companies, the habitats of different animal and plant species are being lost at the same time. Slash-and-burn techniques are becoming prevalent, in which habitats of flora and fauna are fired so that they can be used to harvest agricultural products. As a result, animals and plants existing there would be forced to migrate, leading to the loss of those species. Furthermore, a large number of trees are being felled by logging companies to manufacture furniture and paper, further exacerbating the problem.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedPoaching, a persistent problem for decades, has been responsible for the loss of numerous animal species.

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2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAs people in underdeveloped countries often rely on hunting for their livelihood, they may hunt endangered species to meet their basic necessities.

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3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedFurthermore, animal testing, which is another critical factor contributing to the loss of animal species, involves the use of animals in testing products for the medicine and cosmetics industries.

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4. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn addition, deforestation is another driver of biodiversity loss.

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5. Lexical resource

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   RevisedSlash-and-burn techniques, which involve clearing habitats to harvest agricultural products, are becoming prevalent and are harmful to flora and fauna.

   This revision provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.

To address this problem, stricter laws should be enforced by governments against poaching, which can greatly reduce this illegal hunting. In other words, offenders who illegally hunt animal species for the economic lure should be punished by a fine or imprisonment. By doing so, those illegal hunters can be discouraged from hunting endangered animal species, resulting in saving millions of animal lives. Limiting the practices of the medicine and cosmetics industries can be another solution. Those companies should be encouraged to use computer stimulation instead of utilizing animals; it takes a great amount of time, though. Consequently, this can enable animals to thrive in their natural habitat. Establishing reserves for endangered animals can also be an effective solution to combat biodiversity loss. Specially designed places, such as zoos and artificial habitats that resemble natural ones, can allow different species to thrive in these artificial environments. Finally, the activities of logging organizations should be limited by imposing laws against clearing the land that is home to many animals and plants. Therefore, by enacting those legislations, the loss of biodiversity can be eliminated to some extent.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedTo address this problem, governments should enforce stricter laws against poaching, which can greatly reduce illegal hunting.

   This revision corrects the passive voice and improves the sentence structure.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedAnother solution could be limiting the practices of the medicine and cosmetics industries.

   This revision provides a more formal and academic tone to the sentence.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFinally, the activities of logging organizations should be limited by imposing laws against clearing areas that are home to many animals and plants.

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4. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedTherefore, enacting such legislation could potentially eliminate the loss of biodiversity to some extent.

   This revision provides a more formal and academic tone to the sentence.

To conclude, illegal hunting, deforestation, and animal testing are the main drivers of biodiversity loss. However, this dilemma can be dealt with by imposing stricter laws, discouraging logging companies, establishing man-made habitats for endangered animals, and using computer stimulation for cosmetic industry and medicine, resulting in protecting a wide range of both animal and plant species.