Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 8.0

In recent decades, many regions of the world have seen a concerning decline in animal and plant numbers. This trend is mainly due to deforestation and poaching. However, measures like imposing stricter laws and educating the public can be effective solutions.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThe main reasons for this trend are primarily deforestation and poaching.

   This revision provides a clearer connection between the reasons and the trend that is being discussed.

Deforestation is a leading cause of the decline in wildlife and plants, but this issue can be mitigated through stricter government regulations. Logging companies have cleared forests for decades, making deforestation a major environmental issue. The felling of trees directly causes habitat loss, which negatively impacts animal populations. This biodiversity loss often leads to the extinction of other species due to the interdependence of ecosystems. Governments can address this problem by enforcing stricter laws. All forests should be legally protected to preserve their ecosystems and biodiversity. Authorities should also limit construction that relies on timber by imposing higher taxes.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedFor decades, logging companies have been clearing forests, contributing to the major environmental issue of deforestation.

   This revision provides a clearer connection between the actions of logging companies and the issue of deforestation.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThe cutting down of trees directly causes habitat loss, which has a negative impact on animal populations.

   This revision provides a more natural phrasing for the idea being expressed.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThis problem can be addressed by governments through the enforcement of stricter laws.

   This revision provides a clearer connection between the solution and the problem it addresses.

Another significant cause of species extinction is poaching, which can be countered by raising public awareness. Reasons for hunting include sport, consumption, and the production of goods from animal products. In developing regions, poachers often disregard laws, leading to the hunting of endangered wildlife. An effective solution involves raising public awareness to encourage local collaboration with authorities in protecting against illegal hunting. This can be achieved by educating the public about the adverse effects of biodiversity loss.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAn effective solution could involve raising public awareness to encourage local collaboration with authorities in the fight against illegal hunting.

   This revision provides a more natural phrasing for the idea being expressed.

In conclusion, while deforestation and poaching are the main causes of species decline, stricter laws and public education can combat illegal logging and hunting of key wildlife.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while deforestation and poaching are the main causes of species decline, stricter laws and public education could potentially combat illegal logging and hunting of key wildlife.

   The use of 'could potentially' provides a more cautious and academic tone.