Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #24, band 8.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

302 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2302 words

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

Many nations across the world are suffering from ecological crisis. While the reason for such problem may be attributed to the lack of governmental care, possible solutions include encouraging green movement.

In the past decade or so the reason for diminishing number of animals and plants has been the industrialization in many cities. Countries such as China, India and Russia have been dominating in manufacturing, a practice which puts strain on their ecosystem. To put simply, when a factory is located near a water source, toxic waste is disposed of foolishly into reivers further straining marine life. Surprisingly, even if there have been numerous studies proving the point that factories are the main drivers of pollution, authorities seem to not care for their ecological well-being. Thus, a lack of policies limiting factories’ manufacturing practices is one of the key reasons for the decline in the number of plants and animals.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedThe industrialization in many cities has been the reason for the diminishing number of animals and plants in the past decade or so.
This revision provides a smoother transition and better connection between ideas.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedDespite numerous studies indicating that factories are major contributors to pollution, authorities seem to neglect their ecological well-being.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThus, a lack of policies to limit factory manufacturing practices is a key reason for the decline in the number of plants and animals.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

While it is true that the negative impact factories have caused to ecology is substantial, fortunately it is reversable. A simple solution for combatting pollution would be to reduce carbon footprint through implementing strict regulations for business and private sectors. The US, for example, have imposed several restrictions on huge conglomerates such as Apple, Tesla and Amazon regarding the amount of waste they produce annually. Having successfully achieved their objective, The US nowadays is in the list of top 10 nations with the cleanest ecology. In turn, not only does it affect people as a whole, but also the animals and the plants since clean environment is the reason for their overall welfare.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedFortunately, the negative impact on ecology caused by factories is substantial but reversible.
This revision provides a clearer and more concise statement of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedFor example, the US has imposed several restrictions on major conglomerates such as Apple, Tesla, and Amazon regarding the amount of waste they produce annually.
This revision corrects the grammatical error in the subject-verb agreement.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedIn turn, it affects not only people as a whole, but also animals and plants, as a clean environment is essential for their well-being.
This revision corrects the awkward construction and the incorrect use of 'is the reason for'.

In conclusion, posing to the aforementioned facts, it becomes clear that the key driver of environmental degradation is lax governmental control. With appropriate measures and limitations put on factories can we give flora and fauna a room to breathe.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn conclusion, considering the aforementioned facts, it becomes clear that lax governmental control is the key driver of environmental degradation.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedOnly with appropriate measures and limitations on factories can we provide flora and fauna with the space to thrive.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. You have effectively used transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your points. However, the coherence could be improved by more explicitly linking the discussion of the causes and solutions of ecological decline to the overall thesis. For instance, directly connecting the discussion of industrialization to its ecological impact can strengthen the cohesion between your arguments.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe industrialization in many cities has been the reason for the diminishing number of animals and plants in the past decade or so.
This revision provides a smoother transition and better connection between ideas.
RevisedFortunately, the negative impact on ecology caused by factories is substantial but reversible.
This revision provides a clearer and more concise statement of the idea.
RevisedIn conclusion, considering the aforementioned facts, it becomes clear that lax governmental control is the key driver of environmental degradation.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures and is generally free from grammatical errors, enhancing its readability. However, there are minor areas where sentence structure could be improved for clarity. For example, in the sentence, "A simple solution for combatting pollution would be to reduce carbon footprint through implementing strict regulations for business and private sectors," consider revising to "A simple solution for combating pollution is to reduce the carbon footprint by implementing strict regulations for businesses and the private sector." to improve clarity and flow.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe industrialization in many cities has been the reason for the diminishing number of animals and plants in the past decade or so.
This revision corrects the awkward construction of the sentence.
RevisedFor example, the US has imposed several restrictions on major conglomerates such as Apple, Tesla, and Amazon regarding the amount of waste they produce annually.
This revision corrects the grammatical error in the subject-verb agreement.
RevisedIn turn, it affects not only people as a whole, but also animals and plants, as a clean environment is essential for their well-being.
This revision corrects the awkward construction and the incorrect use of 'is the reason for'.

Lexical resource

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "ecological crisis," "industrialization," and "toxic waste." To further improve, consider varying your language to avoid repetition and using more precise terms where applicable. For example, instead of repeatedly using "factories," you could use synonyms like "industrial sites" or "manufacturing plants."

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedDespite numerous studies indicating that factories are major contributors to pollution, authorities seem to neglect their ecological well-being.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedThus, a lack of policies to limit factory manufacturing practices is a key reason for the decline in the number of plants and animals.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedOnly with appropriate measures and limitations on factories can we provide flora and fauna with the space to thrive.
This revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

Task response

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the decline in the number of animals and plants in many countries and suggesting potential solutions. You have provided a clear explanation of how industrialization contributes to this issue and offered a well-developed solution focusing on reducing the carbon footprint and implementing strict regulations. To enhance your response, consider providing more detailed examples or case studies to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific countries or industries that have successfully reduced their ecological impact could strengthen your argument.

Suggestions

Consider providing more specific examples to support your points.

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