Declining animals and plants: IELTS Task 2 essay #12, band 8.0

Most animal species and plants are becoming extinct all over the world. This issue can largely be attributed to habitat lose and pollution. Thus, preserving forests where most of the endangered species live and reducing the amount of waste disposal into the environment could possibly improve this situation.

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   RevisedA significant number of animal species and plants are becoming extinct worldwide.

   This revision introduces a more formal and precise vocabulary.

Among many reasons of declining animal and plant populations, clearing up natural habitats such as rainforests is the most severe one. As the world population is growing at an unprecedented rate, the need for housing and food is also increasing . Consequently, people are cutting down trees and draining wetlands to make space for construction and farmlands to produce food. Not only do these activities leave animals without a place to live but also makes feeding too difficult for them. Ultimately, most animals die out due to the scarcity of food and shelter, seriously affecting the biodiversity.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne of the most significant reasons for the decline in animal and plant populations is the clearing up of natural habitats such as rainforests.

   This revision makes the sentence more concise and improves the flow of ideas.

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   RevisedAs the global population grows at an unprecedented rate, the demand for housing and food is also escalating.

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3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedNot only do these activities leave animals without a place to live, but they also make feeding too difficult for them.

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Another reason of the problem is disposing significant amounts of chemicals into the land, water, and atmosphere. Firstly, most of the waste produced by human activities is thrown into oceans, which seriously damages marine life. For instance, watching some news reports that feature dead bodies of water animals on coastlines has become common recently. Moreover, burning fossil fuels to generate power releases substantial amounts of greenhouse gases into air, affecting flora and fauna equally. Animals and plants also suffer from air pollution as we do.

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   RevisedAnother significant factor in the decline of animal and plant populations is the disposal of large amounts of chemicals into the land, water, and atmosphere.

   This revision makes the sentence more concise and improves the flow of ideas.

However, to address this issue, several measures can be taken, and protection of habitats is one of them. This process should start with implementing regulations on land use and orher human activities. In other words, main parts of natural habitats must be legally untouchable so that animals continue living without interference from people. In the next stage of preservation, expanding and restoring habitats should be prioritized in order to encourage biodiversity in particular regions.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHowever, this issue can be addressed by taking several measures, one of which is the protection of habitats.

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2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn the next stage of preservation, the focus should be on expanding and restoring habitats to encourage biodiversity in specific regions.

   This revision improves the sentence structure and clarity.

Furthermore, reducing carbon footprint and waste disposal is also crucial to create a sustainable environment for animals and plants. In order to mitigate the effects of air pollution, cleaner ways of energy production, such as solar and wind, have to be developed and encouraged. As for waste management, keeping litter away from water sources and motivating individuals to recycle more are of great importance.

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   RevisedTo mitigate the effects of air pollution, it is necessary to develop and promote cleaner energy production methods, such as solar and wind power.

   This revision introduces a more formal and precise vocabulary.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn terms of waste management, it is important to keep litter away from water sources and to motivate individuals to recycle more.

   This revision improves the sentence structure and clarity.

In conclusion, the loss of animal and plant populations has become a problem for most countries in the world. Main causes of this issue are loss of habitats and pollution, both of which stem from human activities. Nevertheless, there are many ways of combating this problem, including habitat preservation and promoting clean energy sources as well as recycling.