Milk production in four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #4, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
157 words. Marked by Axiom on 29 October 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The table this answer describes
| 1990 | 2000 | 2010 | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Netherlands | 11,262,000 | 11,155,000 | 11,466,000 |
| Australia | 11,246,000 | 11,105,000 | 9,165,000 |
| Tanzania | 87,000 | 142,000 | 155,000 |
| Guatemala | 26,000 | 55,000 | 84,000 |
Academic Task 1157 words
The table shows the production of milk anually in four counties in 1990, 2000 and 2010
The table demonstrates the production of milk annually in four countries over a three-year period, starting in 2010, at intervals of 10 years.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 1990, Australia had the highest milk production, approximately 11,246,000 liters.
The revision provides a more precise and specific description of the data.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis figure, however, steadily declined, reaching an all-time low of 9,165,000 towards the end of the period.
The adverb 'steadily' is more appropriately placed before the verb 'declined' to describe the steady decrease in production.
Conversely, several sectors witnessed an increase in their generation of milk. However, by 2000, there was a significant growth.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe Netherlands, with a production of 11,246,000 liters in 1990, surpassed Australia and Tanzania by 2010 with a production of 11,466,000 liters.
The revision clarifies the sentence structure and improves the flow of the text.
Lexical resource
RevisedTanzania, which initially had a low rank of 87,000, saw a dramatic increase to around 1,550,000, while Guatemala remained at a minimal 26,000.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing of the ideas expressed.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe production of milk in Tanzania surged dramatically to 84,000,000 liters in 2010.
The revision provides a more accurate measurement unit and aligns with the rest of the data presented in the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOverall, similar patterns can be observed across all these countries: the production of milk in Australia decreased drastically, while Tanzania and Guatemala showed substantial growth.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing of the ideas expressed.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe Netherlands emerged as the country with the largest milk production by 2010.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing of the ideas expressed.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the data. The information is sequenced in a way that makes it easy to follow the trends in milk production across the years and countries. However, there are a few areas where the use of cohesive devices could be improved to better connect the ideas and make the writing more coherent.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to better connect the ideas and make the writing more coherent.
- Consider using more topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe table provides data on the annual production of milk in four countries over a three-year period, starting in 2010, at intervals of 10 years.
The revision provides a more formal and academic tone, which is more suitable for an IELTS essay.
RevisedIn 1990, Australia had the highest milk production, approximately 11,246,000 liters.
The revision provides a more precise and specific description of the data.
RevisedThe Netherlands, with a production of 11,246,000 liters in 1990, surpassed Australia and Tanzania by 2010 with a production of 11,466,000 liters.
The revision clarifies the sentence structure and improves the flow of the text.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are a few instances of incorrect or awkward grammar that could be improved. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, would help to improve the overall quality of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe Netherlands, with a production of 11,246,000, rose above Australia and Tanzania, which were dominant between 1990 and 2010, with a figure of 11,466,000 in 2010.
The revision corrects the awkward construction and provides a more accurate and natural phrasing of the ideas expressed.
RevisedOverall, similar patterns can be observed across all these countries: the production of milk in Australia decreased drastically, while Tanzania and Guatemala showed substantial growth.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing of the ideas expressed.
RevisedThe Netherlands emerged as the country with the largest milk production by 2010.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing of the ideas expressed.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary to describe the data and the trends. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be improved. Additionally, using a greater variety of lexical items would help to demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis figure, however, steadily declined, reaching an all-time low of 9,165,000 towards the end of the period.
The adverb 'steadily' is more appropriately placed before the verb 'declined' to describe the steady decrease in production.
RevisedTanzania, which initially had a low rank of 87,000, saw a dramatic increase to around 1,550,000, while Guatemala remained at a minimal 26,000.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing of the ideas expressed.
RevisedThe production of milk in Tanzania surged dramatically to 84,000,000 liters in 2010.
The revision provides a more accurate measurement unit and aligns with the rest of the data presented in the essay.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the data and describes the main trends and changes. The information is presented in a logical order with appropriate use of cohesive devices. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and examples to support the main points.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details and examples to support the main points.
- Consider using a wider range of structures to compare and contrast the data.
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