Milk production in four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
230 words. Marked by Axiom on 9 August 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The table this answer describes
| 1990 | 2000 | 2010 | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Netherlands | 11,262,000 | 11,155,000 | 11,466,000 |
| Australia | 11,246,000 | 11,105,000 | 9,165,000 |
| Tanzania | 87,000 | 142,000 | 155,000 |
| Guatemala | 26,000 | 55,000 | 84,000 |
Academic Task 1230 words
The table shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010.
The table gives information about the amount of milk produced in Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania, and Guetemala over a three-year decade, starting in 1990. The units are measured in liters.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the production of milk in the Netherlands, Tanzania, and Guatemala followed an upward trend during the period under review, while Australia experienced a significant decline.
This revision specifies the countries involved and provides a more accurate description of the trends. It also improves the flow of the sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAdditionally, the Netherlands and Australia produced more milk than the other two countries.
The original sentence is awkward and ungrammatical. The revision provides a more natural and grammatically correct sentence.
Looking into more details about the amount of milk in Netherlands, which saw the dominance, it stood at 11,262,000 in the beginning of the period. Although it showed a notable decline of 107,000 in 2000, Milk was produced at 26.000 liters in Guatemala in 1990. In addition,
Grammar & accuracy
Revisedit soared to 11,446,000 in the subsequent decade, maintaining its lead.
The term 'next decade' could be ambiguous if it is not clear what point in time it is referring to. 'Subsequent decade' provides a clearer reference. Also, 'lead' is a more concise way of expressing 'first place'.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn terms of Tanzania, which was in third place in terms of milk production, the output started to increase in 1990 and by 2010, it had grown significantly from 870,000 to 1,550,000 liters.
This revision corrects the production figures and makes the sentence more coherent.
Lexical resource
Revisedit saw a considerable increase to 55,000 in the following decade, and further rose to 84,000 by 2010.
The phrase 'climbed considerably' is not typically used to describe an increase in numerical value. The revision provides a more appropriate expression.
Turning to the amount of milk in Australia, despite seeing a decline, it stayed in its second place. 11,246,000 liters of milk were produced in this country in the beginning of the period.
Lexical resource
RevisedSubsequently, it dropped to 11,105,000 in 2000, and was followed by a dramatic fall to 9,165,000 by 2010.
The term 'plummeted' is a bit too dramatic for the size of the decrease - 'dropped' is a more neutral term that is better suited to this context. Also, the phrase 'at the end of the period' is more appropriately replaced with 'by 2010' to provide a clear time reference.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The use of cohesive devices and paragraphing is good, but there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Make sure to use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more topic sentences to introduce each new point.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe table presents data on the production of milk, measured in liters, in the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania, and Guatemala over a twenty-year period, from 1990 to 2010.
This revision provides a clearer and more detailed introduction to the topic.
RevisedOverall, the production of milk in the Netherlands, Tanzania, and Guatemala followed an upward trend during the period under review, while Australia experienced a significant decline.
This revision specifies the countries involved and provides a more accurate description of the trends. It also improves the flow of the sentence.
RevisedIn terms of Tanzania, which was in third place in terms of milk production, the output started to increase in 1990 and by 2010, it had grown significantly from 870,000 to 1,550,000 liters.
This revision corrects the production figures and makes the sentence more coherent.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay makes use of a variety of complex structures, and the overall grammar is good. However, there are a few errors in the essay, and some sentences could be structured more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAt the beginning of the period, 11,262,000 liters of milk were produced in this country.
This revision provides a more effective sentence structure.
Revisedit soared to 11,446,000 in the subsequent decade, maintaining its lead.
The term 'next decade' could be ambiguous if it is not clear what point in time it is referring to. 'Subsequent decade' provides a clearer reference. Also, 'lead' is a more concise way of expressing 'first place'.
RevisedAdditionally, the Netherlands and Australia produced more milk than the other two countries.
The original sentence is awkward and ungrammatical. The revision provides a more natural and grammatically correct sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some collocation. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAt the outset of the period, this country produced 11,262,000 liters of milk.
This revision provides a more natural way of expressing the same idea.
Revisedit saw a considerable increase to 55,000 in the following decade, and further rose to 84,000 by 2010.
The phrase 'climbed considerably' is not typically used to describe an increase in numerical value. The revision provides a more appropriate expression.
RevisedSubsequently, it dropped to 11,105,000 in 2000, and was followed by a dramatic fall to 9,165,000 by 2010.
The term 'plummeted' is a bit too dramatic for the size of the decrease - 'dropped' is a more neutral term that is better suited to this context. Also, the phrase 'at the end of the period' is more appropriately replaced with 'by 2010' to provide a clear time reference.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay provides a detailed and accurate description of the information presented in the table. The essay addresses all the requirements of the task, but the information could be presented in a more systematic way.
Suggestions
- Consider organizing the information in a more systematic way, such as grouping the countries or comparing the data more explicitly.
- Make sure to fully explain all the data in the table and make appropriate comparisons where necessary.
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