Milk production in four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
234 words. Marked by Axiom on 15 August 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The table this answer describes
| 1990 | 2000 | 2010 | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Netherlands | 11,262,000 | 11,155,000 | 11,466,000 |
| Australia | 11,246,000 | 11,105,000 | 9,165,000 |
| Tanzania | 87,000 | 142,000 | 155,000 |
| Guatemala | 26,000 | 55,000 | 84,000 |
Academic Task 1234 words
The table shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010.
The given table gives information about the amount of milk produced every year in four different countries in the years 1990, 2000 and 2010.
Moreover, Netherlands and Australia stood out among other nations with consistently higher proportions throughout the period.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the figures for Netherlands, Tanzania, and Guatemala showed an upward trend in terms of milk production, unlike Australia, where the trend was downward.
This revision clarifies the contrast between the trends in Australia and the other three countries.
In 1990, By contrast, Australia managed to produce 11,246,000, slightly lower than Netherlands, in 1990 before seeing a considerable decrease to 11,105,000 in the next given year.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn terms of milk production, Netherlands and Australia had significantly higher figures than the other countries.
This revision provides a more precise comparison and clarifies the context.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe Netherlands produced 11,262,000 units of milk, after which the figure dropped considerably to 11,115,000.
The revision corrects the formatting of the number and provides a more natural phrasing.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAfter a decline, it recovered to 11,446,000, which was the peak production and the highest among all the countries in the given period.
The revision simplifies the language and makes the meaning more clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAfter this, it continued on its trajectory, unlike the Netherlands, which experienced an even more pronounced decline to 9,165,000.
The revision corrects the double 'it' and adds the necessary prepositions to improve the sentence structure.
Tanzania and Guatemala, on the other hand, had much/relatively smaller numbers. However, the rise became less pronounced in the final year, at 1,55,000. Regarding Guatemala, a country with the least amount of milk produced in all years, the figure began with relatively smaller numbers, at 26,000.
Lexical resource
RevisedStarting at 87,000 liters of milk, Tanzania saw a significant increase, reaching 1,420,000.
The use of 'saw a significant increase' is more precise and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Lexical resource
RevisedIt reached 55,000 before markedly rising to 84,000 in 2010, indicating a rapid increase.
The phrase 'indicating a rapid increase' provides a clearer and more accurate description of the trend in production.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, although there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all information is relevant to that topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the figures for Netherlands, Tanzania, and Guatemala showed an upward trend in terms of milk production, unlike Australia, where the trend was downward.
This revision clarifies the contrast between the trends in Australia and the other three countries.
RevisedIn terms of milk production, Netherlands and Australia had significantly higher figures than the other countries.
This revision provides a more precise comparison and clarifies the context.
RevisedAfter a decline, it recovered to 11,446,000, which was the peak production and the highest among all the countries in the given period.
The revision simplifies the language and makes the meaning more clear.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is generally accurate. There are a few minor errors, but they do not detract from the overall readability or coherence of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the figures for Netherlands, Tanzania, and Guatemala showed an upward trend in terms of milk production, while the opposite was true for Australia.
The use of 'while' is more appropriate to indicate a contrast between the trends in the different countries.
RevisedThe Netherlands produced 11,262,000 units of milk, after which the figure dropped considerably to 11,115,000.
The revision corrects the formatting of the number and provides a more natural phrasing.
RevisedAfter this, it continued on its trajectory, unlike the Netherlands, which experienced an even more pronounced decline to 9,165,000.
The revision corrects the double 'it' and adds the necessary prepositions to improve the sentence structure.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses some less common and idiomatic language. There are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, but they do not significantly impact the overall readability or coherence of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedNetherlands and Australia had much higher production levels compared to other countries.
The term 'production levels' is more appropriate in this context than 'figures'.
RevisedStarting at 87,000 liters of milk, Tanzania saw a significant increase, reaching 1,420,000.
The use of 'saw a significant increase' is more precise and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedIt reached 55,000 before markedly rising to 84,000 in 2010, indicating a rapid increase.
The phrase 'indicating a rapid increase' provides a clearer and more accurate description of the trend in production.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay provides a detailed and accurate description of the data, making appropriate comparisons where relevant. The trends are clearly identified and there is an overall good understanding of the task requirements. However, the writer could improve by providing a more detailed analysis of the data and by making sure that all information is completely accurate.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data, including reasons for the trends and potential implications.
- Ensure that all information is completely accurate, including the formatting of numbers.
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