Milk production in four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #5, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
212 words. Marked by Axiom on 21 November 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The table this answer describes
| 1990 | 2000 | 2010 | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Netherlands | 11,262,000 | 11,155,000 | 11,466,000 |
| Australia | 11,246,000 | 11,105,000 | 9,165,000 |
| Tanzania | 87,000 | 142,000 | 155,000 |
| Guatemala | 26,000 | 55,000 | 84,000 |
Academic Task 1212 words
The table shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010.
The table compares 4 different countries in terms of how much milk was produced per year in three decades. Overall, while Australia witnessed a gradual decrease in the amount of milk manufacturing, the opposite trend was observed in Tanzania and Guatemala in every decade.
Lexical resource
RevisedNotably, there was a slight fluctuation in the volume of milk production in the Netherlands.
The word 'slight' is more appropriate in this context to describe a small or minor change.
, decreasing from 11262000 litres to 11155000 litres and from 11246000 litres to 11105000 litres in the first 2 decade. Similarly, Australia saw a slight drop to 9165000 litres in the amount of milk manufacturing in the final year. , reaching 11466000 litres in 2010.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe Netherlands and Australia became dominant in the milk manufacturing throughout the periods.
Correct the nationality reference to the Netherlands and Australia, not 'Austr Australians'
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedBoth the Netherlands and Australia experienced the same trend pattern in milk production
The definite article 'the' is not necessary before 'volume' in this context as 'volume of milk production' is already specific.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn contrast, the Netherlands saw a negligible increase in the volume of milk production
Make the sentence more specific and clear by mentioning 'in production'
. Starting at 87000 litres in 1990, the volume of milk manufactured in Tanzania rose significantly to 155000 litres in 2010. and .
Lexical resource
RevisedAs for Tanzania and Guatemala, the same trend pattern was observed
The correct phrase is 'the same trend pattern was observed', not 'was showed'.
Lexical resource
RevisedLikewise, the amount of milk increased noticeably from just 26000 litres in 1990 to 55000 litres in 2000
The word 'just' is more appropriate in this context to emphasize the small quantity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis was followed by a moderate growth to 84000 litres in the next decade in Guatemala
The sentence should start with a capital letter 'This' as it is the beginning of a new sentence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the main trends. The information is sequenced in a way that makes it easy to follow the comparison between the countries. However, there are a few areas where the use of cohesive devices could be improved to better connect the ideas and make the writing more coherent.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to better connect the ideas and make the writing more coherent.
- Consider using more topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe Netherlands and Australia became dominant in the milk manufacturing throughout the periods.
Correct the nationality reference to the Netherlands and Australia, not 'Austr Australians'
Revisedthe same trend pattern was observed
The correct word is 'observed' not 'showed'
RevisedIn contrast, the Netherlands saw a negligible increase in the volume of milk production
Make the sentence more specific and clear by mentioning 'in production'
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of grammatical structures effectively to describe the data and trends. However, there are a few minor errors in article usage and verb tense that could be corrected to improve the overall quality of the writing.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedBoth the Netherlands and Australia experienced the same trend pattern in milk production
The definite article 'the' is not necessary before 'volume' in this context as 'volume of milk production' is already specific.
RevisedThis was followed by a moderate growth to 84000 litres in the next decade in Guatemala
The sentence should start with a capital letter 'This' as it is the beginning of a new sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary to describe the data and the trends. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be improved to make the writing more precise and effective.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedNotably, there was a slight fluctuation in the volume of milk production in the Netherlands.
The word 'slight' is more appropriate in this context to describe a small or minor change.
RevisedAs for Tanzania and Guatemala, the same trend pattern was observed
The correct phrase is 'the same trend pattern was observed', not 'was showed'.
RevisedLikewise, the amount of milk increased noticeably from just 26000 litres in 1990 to 55000 litres in 2000
The word 'just' is more appropriate in this context to emphasize the small quantity.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends and details in the table, making it easy to understand the data. The information is accurately and appropriately selected and well supported with relevant details. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed comparison of the data for each country and more specific analysis of the trends.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed comparison of the data for each country.
- Include more specific analysis of the trends, such as reasons for the changes or implications of the data.
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