Milk production in four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #6, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
276 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The table this answer describes
| 1990 | 2000 | 2010 | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Netherlands | 11,262,000 | 11,155,000 | 11,466,000 |
| Australia | 11,246,000 | 11,105,000 | 9,165,000 |
| Tanzania | 87,000 | 142,000 | 155,000 |
| Guatemala | 26,000 | 55,000 | 84,000 |
Academic Task 1276 words
The table shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010.
The table compares how much milk was produced per year in four different countries from 1990 to 2010 .
Overall , it is clear that , whereas the reverse trend was true for Australia where there was a marginal drop over the 20- year period . Even though some changes in producing milk were observed in all countries , their orders in the list remained unchanged .
Lexical resource
Revised...the milk production in most countries showed an upward trend...
Corrected awkward phrasing and grammatical error.
Looking at the table in details , it is clear , Tanzania and Guatemala were the least shareholders of milk production , with 87000l and 26000 respectively at the beginning of the period. However , in the next decades , both countries saw a noticeable increase in the production of milk . For example , the amount of milk produced in Tanzania increased 142 000 L in 2000 , figure that reached its peak of 155000 l in the final year . Similarly , Guatemala produced 55 000 liters of milk in 2000, which rose further by 29 000 liters in the subsequent decade .
As for remaining ones , both Netherlands and Australia , with the former representing 11262 00 L and the latter accounting to 1246 000 liters respectively showed reverse trend next years . Specifically , despite a slight decrease to 11 155 L in 2000 , milk production Netherlands went up again to 11 466 which made this county stand out among others , while this figure in Australia dropped to 1, 105 ,00 in 2000 before reaching its low of 9165 00 L in 2010
Grammar & accuracy
Revised...having the highest production levels...
Corrected grammatical error in phrasing.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay presents information in a logical order, but there are some issues with clarity and cohesion. Transitions between ideas are not always smooth, and some sentences are lengthy and complex, affecting readability.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve flow.
- Break down complex sentences for clarity.
- Ensure consistency in presenting data.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the production of milk increased in most countries, except in Australia, which experienced a slight decline over the 20-year period.
Simplified sentence structure for clarity.
RevisedTanzania and Guatemala had the lowest milk production initially, with 87,000 liters and 26,000 liters respectively.
Removed unnecessary phrases to improve clarity.
RevisedThe Netherlands and Australia initially had the highest milk production, with 11,262,000 liters and 11,246,000 liters, respectively. However, their trends diverged in subsequent years.
Separated ideas into clearer sentences and corrected numerical errors.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect use of prepositions, articles, and punctuation. Sentence structures are sometimes awkward.
Sentence revisions 3
Revised...whereas Australia experienced a slight decline over the 20-year period.
Simplified sentence and corrected punctuation.
Revised...with 87,000 liters and 26,000 liters respectively at the beginning of the period.
Corrected numerical format and added units for clarity.
Revised...having the highest production levels...
Corrected grammatical error in phrasing.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions. Some word choices are awkward or incorrect.
Sentence revisions 3
Revised...the milk production in most countries showed an upward trend...
Corrected awkward phrasing and grammatical error.
Revised...both countries experienced a significant increase in milk production.
Used a more precise and varied vocabulary.
RevisedRegarding the remaining countries, the Netherlands and Australia initially had the highest production levels...
Improved phrasing for clarity and accuracy.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and provides an overview of the data. However, some details are inaccurately presented, and there are errors in data representation.
Suggestions
- Ensure accuracy in data representation.
- Provide a clearer summary of trends.
- Avoid unnecessary complexity in descriptions.
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