Milk production in four countries: IELTS Task 1 answer #3, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
143 words. Marked by Axiom on 22 August 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The table this answer describes
| 1990 | 2000 | 2010 | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Netherlands | 11,262,000 | 11,155,000 | 11,466,000 |
| Australia | 11,246,000 | 11,105,000 | 9,165,000 |
| Tanzania | 87,000 | 142,000 | 155,000 |
| Guatemala | 26,000 | 55,000 | 84,000 |
Academic Task 1143 words
The table shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010.
The table illustrates how much milk was produced annually in certain areas which are called Netherlands, Australia, Tanzanian and Guatemala in the figure of litres in the years 1990, 2000 and 2010.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the production of milk increased in three countries, to varying degrees, with the exception of Australia.
The use of the past tense is more appropriate here since the data is from the past.
Grammar & accuracy
Revisedit is also clear that the production in the Netherlands fluctuated.
The sentence should refer to 'production' rather than 'figure' to maintain clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFrom the table, it is evident that Tanzania and Guatemala experienced consistent growth each year, with the figures being 155,000 and 84,000 respectively.
The use of the past tense is more appropriate here since the data is from the past. Also, the word 'figure' should be singular in this context.
in contrast , which was 11,246,000 initially and at the end it was 9,165,000 litres in 2010
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn the Netherlands, the production of milk decreased by 11,155,000 litres in 2000, but increased by 11,466,000 litres in 2010.
The use of the past tense is more appropriate here since the data is from the past. Also, it is more natural to say 'In the Netherlands' rather than 'In Netherlands'.
Lexical resource
Revisedthe production of milk only decreased in Australia
The phrase 'manufacture of milk saw only fall' is awkward and can be simplified to 'the production of milk only decreased'.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the production of milk increased in three countries, to varying degrees, with the exception of Australia.
The use of the past tense is more appropriate here since the data is from the past.
RevisedFrom the table, it is evident that Tanzania and Guatemala experienced consistent growth each year, with the figures being 155,000 and 84,000 respectively.
The use of the past tense is more appropriate here since the data is from the past. Also, the word 'figure' should be singular in this context.
RevisedIn the Netherlands, the production of milk decreased by 11,155,000 litres in 2000, but increased by 11,466,000 litres in 2010.
The use of the past tense is more appropriate here since the data is from the past. Also, it is more natural to say 'In the Netherlands' rather than 'In Netherlands'.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there is room for improvement in the use of grammatical structures and punctuation.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the production of milk increased in three countries, albeit to varying degrees, except in Australia.
The use of the preposition 'in' is more appropriate here. Also, the phrase 'amount of production of milk was ascended' is not grammatically correct and can be simplified to 'production of milk increased'.
RevisedIn the Netherlands, the production of milk declined by 11,155,000 litres in 2000, but it also increased by 11,466,000 litres in 2010.
The definite article 'the' is missing before 'Netherlands'. Also, the year should be written without the article 'the' before it.
Revisedit is also clear that the production in the Netherlands fluctuated.
The sentence should refer to 'production' rather than 'figure' to maintain clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few awkward or incorrect word choices.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the production of milk increased in three countries
The phrase 'amount of production of milk was ascended' is awkward and can be simplified to 'production of milk increased'.
Revisedthe production of milk only decreased in Australia
The phrase 'manufacture of milk saw only fall' is awkward and can be simplified to 'the production of milk only decreased'.
RevisedThe production in the Netherlands fluctuated.
This revision provides the missing subject (production) and is more specific and accurate.
Task achievement
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the information and makes appropriate comparisons. The task is mostly addressed, but some details could be expanded or further explained.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed analysis and explanation of the data.
- Include more specific data and examples to support your analysis.
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