Average house prices: IELTS Task 1 answer #4, band 8.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

264 words. Marked by Axiom on 5 November 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The line graph this answer describes

Values in thousand dollars. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.

Show the data

Average house prices (IELTS Task 1 line graph) (thousand dollars)
	Country A	Country B	Country C
1997	150	125	100
1998	175	200	125
1999	200	225	125
2000	200	250	150
2001	300	275	150
2002	400	300	150
2003	550	300	175
2004	500	325	175
2005	475	375	200
2006	450	300	200
2007	500	275	225
2008	550	275	150
2009	600	375	250
2010	600	475	275
2011	600	500	275
2012	625	525	300
2013	600	500	300
2014	625	500	275

Academic Task 1264 words

The graph below shows the average house prices in 3 countries between the years 1997-2014

The provided graph illustrates some data based on the average house prices in 3 different countries, over a seventeen-year period between 1997 and 2014.

Overall, it is relevant that every country showed a significant increase in price range with some fluctuations, compared to their starting points. Interestingly, country A continued its dominance among countries until the end of the period.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedOverall, every country showed a significant increase in house prices, with some fluctuations, compared to their starting points.
The word 'relevant' is not the most appropriate choice here. 'Showed a significant increase' is a clearer and more direct way to express the idea.

Turning to the details of country A, its line began at about $130k which was the highest starting point among countries. Following this, having witnessed a slight increase to about $200k in 2000, the figure rocketed to just above $500k in 2003. However, in the next 3 years country A experienced a considerable decrease to just above the $500k. Subsequently, the line recovered and reached a peak at about $625k in 2014. As for the estimated price of the house in the country B, the cost of the houses was about $125k at the beginning of the period, after which the country showed a dramatic and steady growth to about $375k from 1997 to 2005. Despite a considerable drop to just above $250k, the line finished the period with a little fluctuation and a positive ending with exactly $500k which was 5 times as much as the initial figure.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedHowever, country A experienced a considerable decrease, falling to just above $500k in 2006.
To improve clarity, include the year when the decrease occurred.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedDespite a considerable drop to just above $250k, the line finished the period with a slight fluctuation, ending at exactly $500k, five times the initial figure.
To improve clarity and flow, rephrase the sentence to focus on the key data points.

With respect to the final country, the line grew steadily to just under $250k, starting at about $110k in 1997. Having experienced a sharp decrease to its lowest point, the figure increased dramatically to just above $250k at the end of the period, which was about 2 times as high as the figure in 1997.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedWith respect to the final country, the house prices increased steadily to just under $250k, starting at about $110k in 1997.
To maintain consistency, use 'house prices' instead of 'the line' when referring to the graph data.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedAfter a sharp decrease to its lowest point, the figure increased dramatically to just above $250k at the end of the period, double the 1997 figure.
To improve clarity and flow, rephrase the sentence to focus on the key data points.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases effectively, linking ideas and paragraphs well. However, there is some repetition in the description of the data that could be varied to improve the flow of the essay.

Suggestions

Try to vary your language and avoid repetition to improve the flow of your writing. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and data points.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedOverall, every country showed a significant increase in house prices, with some fluctuations, compared to their starting points.
The word 'relevant' is not the most appropriate choice here. 'Showed a significant increase' is a clearer and more direct way to express the idea.
RevisedHowever, country A experienced a considerable decrease, falling to just above $500k in 2006.
To improve clarity, include the year when the decrease occurred.
RevisedDespite a considerable drop to just above $250k, the line finished the period with a slight fluctuation, ending at exactly $500k, five times the initial figure.
To improve clarity and flow, rephrase the sentence to focus on the key data points.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay uses a variety of complex structures and sentence types effectively. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved.

Sentence revisions 2

RevisedOverall, all countries showed a significant increase in house prices, with some fluctuations, compared to their starting points.
The use of 'it is relevant that' is not necessary here. Simply stating 'all countries showed a significant increase' is more direct and clear.
RevisedDespite a considerable drop to just above $250k, the house prices ended the period with a slight fluctuation, at exactly $500k, five times the initial figure.
To maintain consistency, use 'house prices' instead of 'the line' and 'at' instead of 'with' to refer to the location of the house prices.

Lexical resource

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses some less common and idiomatic language appropriately. However, there is some repetition of words and phrases that could be varied to improve the essay.

Sentence revisions 2

RevisedWith respect to the final country, the house prices increased steadily to just under $250k, starting at about $110k in 1997.
To maintain consistency, use 'house prices' instead of 'the line' when referring to the graph data.
RevisedAfter a sharp decrease to its lowest point, the figure increased dramatically to just above $250k at the end of the period, double the 1997 figure.
To improve clarity and flow, rephrase the sentence to focus on the key data points.

Task achievement

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay provides a detailed and accurate description of the graph, including all key features and data points. The overview is clear and the data is presented in a logical order with appropriate details. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific data and avoiding generalizations where possible.

Suggestions

Include specific data points and avoid generalizations where possible to provide a more detailed and accurate description of the graph.

Check your own answer on this question

Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 1 checker works.

Check an essay free