Space exploration and spending: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
337 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2337 words
Space exploration is waste of resources. It would be better to spend that money for improving people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The question of governmental spending on space exploration has long been a topic of debate, with some individuals believing this funding should spend on more concerning issues, including mitigating everyday issues. I strongly support this viewpoint, as we have more things to explore on our world compared to the universe.
Put it simply, global warming, coupled with air pollution are now becoming the main threat to humanity, yet not a single government resolved those issues, vice versa, focusing on reaching other planets. Therefore, it is governments that should prioritize mitigating those problems instead of allocating billions to explore the universe.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedProponents of authorities’ allocation on space research often highlight environmental problems and argue that the funds could be better used to improve people’s lives.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the two ideas.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor example, while there are millions of people in India suffering from starvation and bad air quality, the government has been focusing on space exploration.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection to the example being given.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis not only results in dissatisfaction among the crowd, but also leads to an increase in health and environmental issues.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the idea being expressed.
Moreover, it is widely acknowledged that there are many unexplored places in our planet, such as depth of oceans, and it is more important to research on those sites than learning about other planets and spending on space missions. For instance, by 20th century, numerous fish species had been found from oceans and seas, contributed to fishing industry and economy, thanks to advancements in technology and governments that facilitated those researches.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf authorities were to allocate more funds to Earth-based research, we could gain valuable knowledge about our planet, and these discoveries could benefit our future.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the idea being expressed.
Lexical resource
RevisedThere may be many undiscovered “treasures” in our world, and we should focus on these instead of directing all attention towards space exploration.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the idea being expressed.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, although space exploration is a valuable field of research and worth funding, our primary focus should be on addressing our global issues and deepening our understanding of our own planet.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion, and the phrasing is more formal and appropriate for an academic essay.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your examples are directly relevant to your argument.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedProponents of authorities’ allocation on space research often highlight environmental problems and argue that the funds could be better used to improve people’s lives.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the two ideas.
RevisedFor example, while there are millions of people in India suffering from starvation and bad air quality, the government has been focusing on space exploration.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection to the example being given.
RevisedIn conclusion, although space exploration is a valuable field of research and worth funding, our primary focus should be on addressing our global issues and deepening our understanding of our own planet.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion, and the phrasing is more formal and appropriate for an academic essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, "Proponents of authorities’ allocation on space researches should be directed to improving people’s lives often highlight environmental problems" is grammatically incorrect and needs to be rephrased. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedProponents who support government funding for space research often highlight environmental problems and argue that the money could be better used to improve people’s lives.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the idea being expressed.
RevisedFor example, India has recently launched a satellite into space, while millions of Indian citizens are suffering from starvation and poor air quality.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the idea being expressed.
RevisedIf authorities were to allocate more funds to Earth-based research, we could gain valuable knowledge about our planet, and these discoveries could benefit our future.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the idea being expressed.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "Proponents of authorities’ allocation on space researches should be directed to improving people’s lives" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. Improving word choice and using more formal language will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedProponents of authorities’ allocation on space research often highlight environmental problems and argue that the funds could be better used to improve people’s lives.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the idea being expressed.
RevisedThis not only results in dissatisfaction among the crowd, but also leads to an increase in health and environmental issues.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the idea being expressed.
RevisedThere may be many undiscovered “treasures” in our world, and we should focus on these instead of directing all attention towards space exploration.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the idea being expressed.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument that government funding should be directed towards improving people’s lives rather than space exploration. The writer provides a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that focus on environmental issues and the need for prioritizing Earth over space, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and support them with specific examples.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is well-developed.
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