Space exploration and spending: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
265 words. Marked by Axiom on 2 April 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2265 words
Space exploration is waste of resources. It would be better to spend that money for improving people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people think that space exploration is waste of resources, while some poeple believe that if they spend that money on enhancing people's lives, it
would be better effect.
Lexical resource
RevisedI strongly believe that if money is spent on development, people can benefit more, so I firmly agree with this perspective.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and the spelling mistakes, making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
It would so beneficial for their future, because they start interesed in studying in a classrooms which decorated with the mod cons.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAccording to some people's opinions, spending money on improving the lives of the poor or average citizens can lead to a more modern and developed world.
The sentence is a bit confusing and repetitive. The revision ensures that the idea is expressed clearly and concisely.
Lexical resource
RevisedThere are several reasons, such as the fact that the government can rebuild old schools and kindergartens, which allows the younger generation to get an education in a more contemporary environment.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'contemporary', making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, qualified mentors are crucial to the education system as they not only teach the students, but also whose future depends on the parents and tutors.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'because', making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
The government worried about the population, if more high comlex apartments are built for the poor people, the citizen may develop in a short time. Moreover, being the free lessons, it helps to young students get education among the poor population. Increasing the intelligence students, it allows to become modern.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn addition, it may be possible to reduce the number of homeless people.
The original sentence is unclear. The revision provides a more precise and coherent way of expressing the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHousing can be divided among the homeless, thus preventing them from living on the streets.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'divided', making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, educated and affluent individuals are often seen as the backbone of the government.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'prime', making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, although the government may benefit from space exploration, I believe that spending the money on the future of the next generation or the population would be more effective.
The revised sentence is clearer and more coherent, and the use of 'although' at the beginning of the sentence helps to improve the overall cohesion.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas can be unclear. More effective use of cohesive devices and a clearer connection between ideas would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent and appropriate.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAccording to some people's opinions, spending money on improving the lives of the poor or average citizens can lead to a more modern and developed world.
The sentence is a bit confusing and repetitive. The revision ensures that the idea is expressed clearly and concisely.
RevisedIn addition, it may be possible to reduce the number of homeless people.
The original sentence is unclear. The revision provides a more precise and coherent way of expressing the idea.
RevisedIn conclusion, although the government may benefit from space exploration, I believe that spending the money on the future of the next generation or the population would be more effective.
The revised sentence is clearer and more coherent, and the use of 'although' at the beginning of the sentence helps to improve the overall cohesion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not impede communication. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these errors do not impede communication. The essay would benefit from a focus on grammatical accuracy, including the correct use of articles and prepositions, as well as a review of punctuation. Additionally, the essay would benefit from a more varied sentence structure.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAccording to some people's opinions, when money is spent on improving the lives of the poor or average citizens, it can lead to a more modern and developed world.
The revised sentence corrects the repeated phrase 'people people's' and the grammatical errors, making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
RevisedHousing can be divided among the homeless, thus preventing them from living on the streets.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'divided', making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
RevisedFor example, educated and affluent individuals are often seen as the backbone of the government.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'prime', making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some use of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation that can be distracting. More precise and varied vocabulary, as well as a focus on collocation, would enhance the overall lexical resource of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI strongly believe that if money is spent on development, people can benefit more, so I firmly agree with this perspective.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and the spelling mistakes, making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
RevisedThere are several reasons, such as the fact that the government can rebuild old schools and kindergartens, which allows the younger generation to get an education in a more contemporary environment.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'contemporary', making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
RevisedFurthermore, qualified mentors are crucial to the education system as they not only teach the students, but also whose future depends on the parents and tutors.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and the incorrect use of 'because', making the meaning clear and the expression more natural.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay would benefit from a more detailed exploration of the potential benefits of spending money on the generation's future or the population, as well as a more thorough refutation of the opposing view. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more emphatically.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
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