Raising the cost of fuel: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
269 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 September 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2269 words
Some people believe that the best way to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, the debate over the most effective strategies to address environmental issues has intensified. One proposed solution is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. While this approach has its merits, it also presents significant challenges.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFirstly, raising fuel prices could significantly reduce greenhouse gas emissions.
The sentence was rephrased to correct the grammatical error.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis situation is very important for people and the environment, as an increase in fuel costs is likely to reduce consumer driving, thereby lowering overall fuel consumption and carbon emissions.
The sentence was revised to improve clarity and coherence.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis reduction in emissions is crucial for mitigating climate change and improving air quality.
The term 'air condition' was replaced with 'air quality' to improve accuracy.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedCurrently, there are a lot of cars in the world, and their emissions of carbon dioxide undoubtedly contribute to air pollution, hence the need to raise fuel costs.
The sentence was revised to improve clarity and coherence.
Secondly, increasing fuel costs can drive the development and adoption of alternative energy sources. When fuel prices are high, there is a greater financial incentive for innovations in green technologies, such as renewable energy efficient transportation solutions. This shift could lead to significant long-term environmental benefits by reducing reliance on fossil fuels and promoting sustainable practices.
In conclusion, while increasing the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles can be an effective measure for reducing emissions and promoting the adoption of greener technologies, it should not be viewed as a stand alone solution. A more comprehensive approach is necessary, combining fuel price adjustments with policies that support low-income individuals, By integrating fuel cost increases into a broader strategy,
Lexical resource
Revised...invest in alternative transportation options, and address other environmental concerns.
The word 'issues' is repeated too often. The term 'concerns' is used as a replacement to avoid repetition.
Grammar & accuracy
Revised...we can work towards a more sustainable and equitable solution for environmental problems.
The preposition 'for' is more appropriate in this context.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis situation is very important for people and the environment, as an increase in fuel costs is likely to reduce consumer driving, thereby lowering overall fuel consumption and carbon emissions.
The sentence was revised to improve clarity and coherence.
RevisedThis reduction in emissions is crucial for mitigating climate change and improving air quality.
The term 'air condition' was replaced with 'air quality' to improve accuracy.
RevisedCurrently, there are a lot of cars in the world, and their emissions of carbon dioxide undoubtedly contribute to air pollution, hence the need to raise fuel costs.
The sentence was revised to improve clarity and coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for better clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFirstly, raising fuel prices could significantly reduce greenhouse gas emissions.
The sentence was rephrased to correct the grammatical error.
RevisedThis situation leads to worse air quality, therefore we have to raise fuel costs.
The phrase 'lead to worse air condition' is not grammatically correct. The revision provides the correct phrasing.
Revised...we can work towards a more sustainable and equitable solution for environmental problems.
The preposition 'for' is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis situation is very important for people and the environment
The use of the word 'is' is required in this context.
RevisedAs fuel costs rise, consumers are likely to drive less, which would lead to a lower overall fuel consumption
The phrase 'which would to lower' is not grammatically correct. The revision provides the correct phrasing.
Revised...invest in alternative transportation options, and address other environmental concerns.
The word 'issues' is repeated too often. The term 'concerns' is used as a replacement to avoid repetition.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and restating the position.
Suggestions
- Consider summarizing the key points in the conclusion to provide a more effective closure to the essay.
- Restate your position more clearly in the conclusion.
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